The Lateness of the Hour
by Ohori
Summary: You have to kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine.

Summary: You got to kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight.

Author's notes: I asked for input and the vast majority of people said they wanted the story which took place between season 2 and 3, so here it is.

So Part One in this story would take place after 17 People, but before Toby tells Donna about the MS (18th & Potomac).

I have no beta, so all mistakes are mine. Feedback is very welcome

"Donna?"

She wasn't expecting anyone to walk into the darkened room, which was precisely the reason why she chose it in the first place. Despite the lateness of the hour, the west wing was crawling with people, so she chose the one room where she thought she would be left alone. Since Donna was unprepared for the interruption, she was unable to completely wipe the tears off her face. She tried to turn her face away from the unwelcome guest in an effort to hide her red-rimmed eyes and blotchy pink cheeks. Damn alabaster skin.

"Donna? What's wrong?" He asked gently.

"Did you know that there is a swimming pool underneath where we are right now? This used to be a swimming pool and then it was changed over to the press room." She asked with a forced smile, it was a blatant attempt to misdirect the conversation and while it may not buy her much time, at this point she would take what she could get.

"Actually, I did know that for reasons best left unexplained at this point in time," the man explained sheepishly.

"I was thinking I could rip up a few of these tiles, Josh is always saying that I'm freakishly strong," involuntarily her voice caught on Josh's name, "Maybe drown myself in the pool, although there probably isn't any water left down there, anyway, if I was dead then I could haunt the west wing. People would talk about the over worked assistant who haunted all future Deputy Chief of Staffs…" she trailed off, lost in thought.

At this point an impasse of sorts occurred. Donna refused to offer any more to the conversation and the man refused to abandon a friend so obviously in need.

Finally, he spoke, "Donna, you know I am not going to leave you here crying alone in the dark, so the faster you accept that you are going to have to talk to me, the faster I can work at solving whatever problem has got you so upset," he concluded.

"Oh, Sam. It was so humiliating," her voice broke on a strangled sob as she threw her hands against her inflamed cheeks.

His heart almost broke to see her so upset. Donna was strong, she had put up with so much in the last year, what with the shooting and helping Josh with his long recovery, he couldn't remember ever seeing her breakdown during that time, so whatever had happened now must be pretty horrible. He was not a violent person, most people who knew him would say that he was too idealistic, too soft-hearted, but right now he felt a strong urge to find out who had hurt and Donna and make that person very sorry. Not wanting to upset her by showing how bothered he was by her crying, he decided to take a page out of her book and try some light banter. It always seemed to work for her and Josh.

"What happened? Did you drop your underwear in public again?" he joked lightly.

"Oh my god! I can't believe that I left my underwear in public and that is not even the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me this year." Fresh tears softly fell down her cheeks following the gentle slope of her face.

"Donna, please tell me why you're crying?

"I don't want to put you in an uncomfortable position."

"You're the one upset, why would I be in an uncomfortable position?" he questioned.

She hesitated slightly before answering, "Because he's your best friend."

Suddenly the pieces fell into place for Sam and he heaved a sigh of relief. It was just Josh. Josh was being a jackass, so acting exactly like Josh, and had obviously said or done something stupid to hurt Donna's feelings. This was nothing new. Although if Sam stopped to think about it, it probably wasn't a sign of a healthy working relationship if Josh being a bastard and making his assistant cry equated to normal operating procedure.

"Yeah, he's my best friend. But you're my friend too," he pointed out reasonably.

"I don't even know why I'm crying. I'm just so embarrassed. And when I get really embarrassed, I cry, but they are tears of frustration, you know?"

"Yeah." Really, he had no idea what she was talking about, it must be a girl thing because when he was frustrated he definitely didn't cry, but it seemed the wiser choice to simply agree with her, especially now when it appeared she was willing to open up about what was bothering her.

"It's just, you're gonna laugh..," she trailed off.

"I promise I won't laugh." He promised with sincerity in his voice.

"It's so stupid, I'm being stupid, I just thought that with him wanting me to keep the red dress, the philately comment, then the flowers and the not stopping for red lights and everything that Josh was trying to tell me something, you know, that he liked me liked me. God, I sound like I'm in middle school, which I guess is pretty appropriate since I'm sitting here crying like a child," she said with a wet laugh, tears evident in her voice. "So, I thought, 'hey, Donna he's trying to tell you something, he's so bad with women and he's waiting for you, you know?'"

Sam was trying to keep up with her, he really was. The flowers must refer to their (Josh and Donna's non-anniversary) although he had no idea what traffic lights and stamp collecting had to do with anything. Her ability to jump from one topic to another was usually endearing, a wonderfully unique Donna quirk, but at this particular moment, Sam really wished Donna would follow a linear thought process for once.

"I mean he flirts with everyone," she continued, "I don't know why I thought I was so special, probably because we spend so much time together, which is stupid because I'm his assistant, I'm paid to spend time with him."

"Donna!" His shout startled them both, he didn't mean to raise his voice but he needed her to get back on track. "What happened with Josh?"

She took in a huge gasp of air, as though she was preparing to go without oxygen for a long period of time, which scared Sam, how much could she have to say?

"I thought Josh wanted to be more, um, more than what we are now, you know, more than boss and assistant and it turned out I was wrong. Really wrong," she finished, attempting to put a brave smile on her face to keep the tears out of her voice.

Despite Donna finally coming around and admitting what was wrong, Sam was more confused than ever. Of course Josh wanted more from Donna. He would bet his life on it. Some misunderstanding must have taken place.

"Donna, I think you're wrong -"

Donna cut him off before he had a chance to finish. "I'm not wrong, this is not one of those 'I thought I overheard something but I misunderstood moments', I was there, I know what happened", she explained.

"Well, can you humour me please, because I wasn't there."

"Please Sam," the tears that she had fought so valiantly to stop were starting to reappear; he could see her eyes becoming glassy. "Please don't make me talk about it."

He didn't want Donna to cry anymore, but he knew she was wrong. If they could just talk it through he was sure some sort of miscommunication must have happened.

Before he could prompt her to continue, surprisingly she offered the details herself. "I asked Josh if he wanted to go out, just the two of us together, like a date and he said -," she stopped talking abruptly, and just when he thought she wasn't going to finish, she spoke in voice so small that it actually did break his heart. "He basically said that I was a sweet girl, but he didn't feel that way about me."

"He what?" This time Sam did yell and on purpose because he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Josh didn't feel that way about Donna? Bullshit! "Donna, Josh loves you." Sam should have felt guilty revealing such personal information to Donna, but he was too pissed off at Josh to care.

"Of course he loves me, I know he loves me, the same way he loves you, and CJ, I am one of the best friends he will ever have, but that's all the feelings are, feelings of friendship."

"He said that? Those exact words to you?"

"Sam"

"I'm sorry Donna, but I am having trouble believing any of this. Can you please start right at the beginning? When did this happen? Where were you?"

"What does it matter, Sam? It happened, it's over and I came here to have a pity party of one, talking about it is not going to change what happened."

"Please Donna, just walk me through it one time and after you're done I will never ask about it again, I promise." He pleaded.

She looked at him, feeling torn, she couldn't imagine recounting the humiliating situation to another human being, she had already relived it so many times in her head, feeling a psychical pain each time. She knew Sam was only trying to help, but he was wrong, there was no happy ending at the end of this story. She was about to simply get up and walk out, surely Sam wouldn't follow her when she remembered how great Sam had been lately, helping her friend Stephanie with the Galt pardon, the least she could do was talk to him.

"Okay," she whispered. "But please just let me get through it, if you interrupt and ask questions and I have to stop and answer them, I'm not sure I will be able to start talking about it again."

*One hour earlier*

She was annoying herself, which was a pretty impressive feat. She hovered outside of his office door, walking back and forth between the short distance from her cubicle and his office. Luckily, his door was shut so he couldn't see the first hand evidence of her having gone round the bend. His door had been shut with more regularity lately, which was unusual. Most of the time, he liked being able to see the bullpen, watch his minions work he would joke. She could tell that something was up; most of the senior staff was a little more tense and little more quick with their tempers. Josh, however, was more introverted, shutting his door was just one example; he also didn't have time to mess around either. They hadn't laughed or joked since they had tried to find the funny for the correspondence dinner a few nights ago. The night of their non-anniversary. Which was precisely the reason why Donna was, to put it nicely, freaking out in the bullpen.

She had been arguing with herself for days: the flower meant something more. No, no, the flowers meant nothing besides a snarky reminder of her leaving. She had talked herself into and out of her decision hundreds of times since the idea first popped into her head a few nights ago; although, if she was honest with herself the idea was a lot older than that, it probably went back to New Hampshire.

'You can do this!' with that last final pep talk, Donna walked over to Josh's office and this time actually knocked while pushing the door open at the same time.

The room was dark, a small desk lamp providing the only light. Josh was sitting at his desk, hunched over reading a file of some kind. He had long ago abandoned his suit jacket and at some point had rolled the sleeves of his dress shirt up to his elbows. He raised his head to offer a small greeting when he heard her enter the room.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Do you need anything?"

"Hmm..."

"I said do you need anything?" She asked again.

"What? No, you can go home," he said, then immediately went back to reading the file in his hands.

"That's okay; I have a few things I could finish up. You almost done?"

"Hmmm, yeah, almost, you go, it's fine, I'll be out of here soon too," he promised.

"Now why do I get the feeling that you're lying and that if I leave now you will actually spend all night here?"

"Because you're tuned to me," he threw at her with a small smile, the first smile she had seen from him in a while.

"Hey, that's my line," she smiled back at him. 'Okay,' she thought, 'smiling is good, smiling is a good sign, do it now!' 'Oh, shut-up heart, don't rush me'.

She took a deep breath and stepped further into the room, softly closing the door behind her. If he was surprised that she had shut the door, nothing registered on his face.

"So," she began, "I thought we should get out of here. Everyone is so stressed, and I know you can't talk about it," she said while waving a hand at him to stop him from interrupting her, "that I thought we should go out and get a drink, maybe have some pizza or something," she finished rather lamely.

Josh rubbed a hand over his face in a futile attempt to focus, "Is everyone else going?"

"No," she explained slowly, "I thought this could be something, you know, for just you and me, some drinks, some dinner..."

"Like a date?" he asked with a sharp laugh and a smug smile.

"What? No, of course not, it would be nothing like a date," she paused briefly, "except that it would be exactly like a date." She ended on a nervous laugh.

Silence.

"Donna...," his whole body language changed in an instant. Before he had been slouching over his desk, now his posture was rod straight as he sat up in his chair. She could practically see the look of fear in his eyes.

"If you can't go tonight that's fine, maybe tomorrow night or when I get back from Wisconsin-"

He cut her off gently, "Donna, you know I think you're great right?"

Donna had a horrible feeling she knew exactly where this conversation was headed.

"Donna," he continued slowly, "I just, you're a great girl, you're nice to everyone, even Republicans, and I will never been able to thank you enough for all the things you do for me on a daily basis – all the things you have done for me this past year, but, ah, I just think that, you know, we're friends and..."

Finally she took pity on him and more importantly herself, he wasn't used to direct confrontations with women she reminded herself, he was used to bumping into women sideways and waiting for them to end things with him.

"Don't worry about it," she said with a small shake of her head, "it's not a big deal."

She needed to get out of this room before she started crying. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. She turned around and opened the door, but before she could exit, she heard him call her name.

"Donna, I, um, I don't want this to turn into a thing. You're one of my closest friends."

"It's fine Josh. It's not a thing," she didn't give him a chance to say anything else. She walked through the bullpen passed her cubicle. She needed a place where she could be alone. The ladies' room was too much of a risk, too many people still working who could walk in. She stared off into the distance, looking down the empty hallway. Ah, the pressroom, that would be perfect, CJ had already done her final briefing so everyone should have gone home by now. With a destination now in mind, Donna practically ran down the corridor.

If she had stayed only a moment longer, she would have heard the sound of a ceramic mug smashing into a million pieces after it was hurled against a wall coming from Josh's office.

Although Sam prided himself on his ability to find the right words for every occasion (he had written one of the best birthday card greetings in history as well as an address for trout fishermen), for once in his life Sam was at a complete loss for words.

"Donna, I don't know what to say, I thought – we all thought, really, that Josh and you, one day in the future, would be together -"

"It doesn't matter, really Sam, I just needed a minute to feel sorry for myself. I guess I just feel so stupid, you know? I don't want things to be awkward, he's my friend and, oh god, my boss," she said suddenly and if only remembering that she was the Deputy Deputy to his Deputy Chief of Staff.

"There is absolutely no reason why you should feel stupid. You are a smart, caring, beautiful woman and if my jackass of a best friend is too blind to see it, then forget him." He said with more enthusiasm than what he actually felt.

"Thanks Sam, but it's not your job to cheer me up."

"No, it's not my job, but I want to. You're my friend, Donna. Friends cheer each other up."

"Thanks. You know what? I'm feeling better, so I'm just going to go gather my things and head out for the night."

"You sure?"

"Yup, I'm fine. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"I'll see you tomorrow. Then you're off to Wisconsin for the wedding right?"

"Yeah, my sister's wedding. I'll be back here Monday morning."

"Okay, good night, Donna."

"Good night, Sam." She said, turning to give him a small wave before exiting the room.

He watched her walk out of the press room, despite her insistence that she was fine he could see that her shoulders were slumped in defeat.

Sam didn't know what was going on with Josh, but he was damn sure going to find out.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Sam demanded as he barged into Josh's office, not bothering to knock, "What the hell happened here?" Sam continued, noticing the shards of a ceramic a mug as well as droplets of coffee littered across the floor.

"Please come right on in, Sam," Josh muttered, sarcasm dripping from every word.

"I know that you can be a jackass, but it's not like you to intentionally hurt someone you care about."

"Thanks for the psych 101 assessment of my personality. Now, if you'll get the hell of out my office I have a lot of work to do and I am not in the mood," Josh fired back.

"What did you say to Donna?" Sam demanded, seemingly not bothered by Josh's lack of welcome.

"Nothing that is any of your business." He looked back down at the papers he was reading, effectively dismissing Sam.

"It is when I find her crying in the press room."

That definitely caught Josh's attention as his head snapped back up; a look of concern flashed quickly across his face before he schooled his features back into one of neutrality.

"Is, um, is she okay?"

"She will be," Sam answered vaguely.

Unwilling to let the conversation get away from him again, Josh decided it was time to lay down the law. "Look, you have obviously talked to Donna about what happened earlier, I'm sorry that she is upset but it's better this way."

"How is this better? How is you lying to her better?" Sam demanded.

Apparently Sam didn't get the 'this conversation is over memo'.

"I'm done talking about this." Josh spit out.

Having been friends for a long time, Sam knew that he wouldn't get anything else from Josh tonight. But he wasn't going to leave without getting the last word.

"I don't know what you were thinking, but you've made a huge mistake. That woman is one of the greatest people you will ever meet, and for some reason she likes you. And instead of falling on your knees and thanking the heavens you pushed her away. You're an idiot and you don't deserve her." With that last comment, Sam jerked open the door and stomped through the operations' bullpen.

His hands stroked her alabaster skin; leaving trails of fire wherever they touched, and even though she had her eyes closed, Donna could feel him leaning down to kiss her. She could feel his body pressed against hers, bare chest to bare chest. He had never let another person see his scar before now, but with her it was different, everything between them was different. They had a unique bond, a special bond that would never be broken. He drew his hands lightly across her face, his strong sensual lips parting, hovering just inches above her own. Just before he pressed his lips to hers, he spoke in a low husky whisper; he spoke words of love and devotion, words of promise and future, words of -

"DONNA!"

She jerked up in bed, startled by her name being bellowing by some unknown voice. It took her a moment to find her bearings. Where was she? She looked at the light purple coloured walls, down at the four poster bed she was laying in and suddenly it all came back to her. She was in Wisconsin. She was in Wisconsin for her sister's wedding. She had gotten tired and overwhelmed by her family so she had snuck upstairs to rest for a while and she must have fallen asleep. She had had the same dream again. She had been having the same dream or a variation of it, for the last 3 years. Usually she enjoyed the dream, it made her feel beautiful and loved, but given what had happened two days ago she felt angry. She was angry that her subconscious would betray her and force thoughts of him in her sleep when she spent every waking moment banishing him from her mind.

"DONNA!" The door to the bedroom flew open and her sister bounced into the room.

"There you are! I'm been looking for you everywhere. Get downstairs, people are asking about you. They want to hear all about your super secret life in the white house."

"I don't know any secrets, and if I did I wouldn't be telling them to anyone if I want to continue to work in the white house."

"Stop being a downer and get downstairs," her sister called back as she ran down the stairs, "be happy, I'm getting married tomorrow!"

"Yeah," Donna murmured less than enthusiastically.

She was happy for her sister, she really was, but given her own pathetic love life, it was hard to see someone so happy, like staring at the sun, it seemed like a good idea until it burned your retinas.

Donna lumbered down the stairs and stood at the entry to the living room. It was after dinner and the guests were mingling.

Donna swallowed a sigh and forced a smile on her face as her Aunt Susan approached her. Donna knew what was coming.

"Donna, so good to see you. You never make it home anymore. Too busy with your exciting political life."

"I'm not actually a politician, Aunt Susan. I work for the Deputy Chief of Staff," she explained for what must have been the millionth time.

"Well, that must be interesting," she said, although the tone of her voice let Donna know that she didn't think it was interesting at all. "Aren't you happy for your sister? They make such a nice couple."

"Yes, they are a lovely couple," Donna said automatically, it was her go-to phrase to help expedite these mind-numbing conversations.

Her aunt placed her hand lightly on Donna's arm. "I'm sure your mother is happy, now she finally has a wedding to plan. She thought it was going to be you and John, but that didn't work out. I bet your poor mother was worried that she'd never have the chance again. It's so great that your sister came through for her."

Donna forced a small chuckle and looked around the room, desperately searching for someone to save her from another round of poor spinster Donna. She was 26 years for god sakes, yet her family was acting like she should just get herself a bunch of cats and give up now. Just because it was her younger sister getting married, everyone was looking at Donna as though she was about to have a nutty. Everyone kept bringing up John, that it was such a shame things didn't work out with him, as though she had forgotten who he was. Everyone seemed to forget that she was the one to break up with him, it was her choice. 'Yes, family I was going to get married and then I didn't, it's not the end of the world, it is possible for me to find someone else', she felt like screaming.

Seeing no rescuer in her future, Donna was forced to continue talking with Susan. "Can I get you something to drink?" That might do it, offer to get her a refreshment, and then conveniently forget to come back.

"No, I'm fine."

Okay, time to think of a new plan. Photo albums? Hmm, maybe that would work for a while, or if she could find her grandmother that might help...

"It's just such a shame because you're such a pretty girl. Thin. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. It's just your personality. It's just too much. Men don't like it when women know more than them."

Donna was speechless; she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"I think if you were a little less like, well you, you would be able to find a husband." Aunt Susan continued.

Donna had to get away from this hateful woman. Did she think she was being helpful by telling Donna to change everything about who she was in order to find a husband? Holding back tears Donna fled from the living room, she knew the upstairs bedroom wouldn't do as a hiding place the second time around, so she ran to her father's study. She jerked open the door and stumbled into the room.

"What's wrong sweetie?"

Donna gave a little start; she hadn't expected this room to be occupied. "Hi, Daddy. Nothing's wrong."

"Don't lie to your daddy, Donna."

"It's nothing important, just Aunt Susan being Aunt Susan."

"Ah. Marriage."

"She said, actually, you know what, I am not going to give her the pleasure of repeating her mean words."

"Oh, Donna."

"No, Dad, don't 'oh, Donna' me. I don't know why everyone can't accept the fact that I'm happy. Why can't mom start by telling everyone, 'this is my daughter, Donna, she works in the white house', instead of 'this is my oldest daughter, Donna, she's single."

"Your mother is proud of you," he said honestly, "she's just thinks you would be happier if you were married."

"I wouldn't have been happy with John, Dad. If I had married him, I would have been miserable."

"I'm not saying you should have married John, but surely it is possible to work in the white house and be married."

"I haven't seen evidence of that so far." She mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing. I know I shouldn't let Aunt Susan get to me but..."

"I know. Why don't you hide in here for a little while and come back out when you're ready. I'll run interference with your sister and mom, so don't worry about them," he said, then placed a soft kiss against her forehead.

"Thanks Daddy, I love you."

"Love you too," he said and exited the room, leaving Donna alone with her thoughts.

She sat for while listening to the sound of laughter echoing in from the rest of the house.

Suddenly a thought came to her: What if?

What if she had a different life? What if she had a different personality?

'You need to stay true to yourself' a voice inside of her heart screamed.

But, she had followed her heart and had finally asked out Josh and look what that had got her? Nothing but pain and humiliation that's what. Josh was her best friend and even he couldn't fall in love with her based on her current personality. While he may find her attraction, even she wasn't blind enough to not notice the way his eyes followed her, but he didn't care enough about her to want anything more.

She thought about her most recent dates and what did she have to show for them? Nothing. She could blame her lack of a social life on her crazy work schedule, but the truth was even before she joined the Bartlet for America campaign she didn't exactly have a winning track record when it came to men. Dr. Free Ride being the prime example. Maybe the problem was her. Her personality to be specific. While she certainly didn't want to get married any time soon, it would be nice to be in a real relationship. What if she lived a life other than the one she had now? She loved working at the white house, but the truth was the main reason for her being there had just broken her heart and while she did love the actual work she was doing it was very possible that her job might not exist a year from now. Shouldn't she have a back-up plan? It was the responsible thing to do, she told herself.

What would be the harm in taking a leap? Finding a new job? Playing the field? Obviously she wouldn't try anything too dangerous, and while she was working at the white house she wouldn't do anything to ruin her reputation or tarnish the administration.

She stood, slightly unsteady, a bit overwhelmed by the prospect of completely changing her life. What would she do if she could change it all? Would she stay in DC or just get in her car and drive? There was so much to be decided, and she knew she couldn't do it all now. She needed to start small. Once she got back to DC she would look into finding another job, discreetly of course. Then she would make more personal time for herself; figure out what she really wanted from a relationship. This would mean laying down the law with Josh, she would give him a definite time frame when she would be available to work (baring a natural disaster or emergency of course) and stick to it. No staying until all hours of the night and coming in the weekend to work. No, she was going to take control of her life. She was tired of sitting back and letting things happened to her. She was taking control.

And she would start as soon as she returned to DC.

End Part 1


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer in Part 1:

Author's Notes: 1) A huge thanks to the wonderful website Political Affairs which helped greatly with the canon dialogue between Josh and Donna. If you haven't been to the site, you should check it out immediately.

2) Not sure if the narrative and time jumps work in this chapter, if it doesn't please let me know and I will try and do better. Finally, I have no beta (very sad, I know) so all mistakes are mine.

To say things had not gone as planned would be a generous understatement.

The thing is, in the movies, they make it seem so easy for a person to change their life. There is usually a montage of the heroine getting rid of all the things that have been preventing her from obtaining happiness. There's always a scene of the girl crossing dates off of a calendar, making up with people, righting past wrongs, all being done while some generic pop song played in the background. The problem with that was it didn't resemble real life in any way. In real life, you could have a plan, she thought to herself, a great plan to gain control of your life, but that plan could go straight to hell when upon your return to DC the Communications Director pulls you in his office and tells you that the president has MS and that your boss is going to need you now more than ever. They never show you that scene in the movies.

Although Donna had had grand plans for herself, they paled in comparison to the current situation with the president. All thoughts of taking control of her life were pushed to the back burner. Toby was right, Josh would need her, and that had to be her number one priority for now anyway.

It wasn't until she had been alone with her thoughts, pushing sofas into an abandoned room in the basement that she had realized that Toby had been the one to share this information and not Josh. She sat down on one of the sofas she had just worked up a sweat dragging into the room. Toby had told her, not Josh. She remembered a time when Josh couldn't keep anything from her. All she had to do was give him her 'face' and he would crumble, imparting information he probably shouldn't have, telling her about Leo's problems last year being a prime example. It wasn't as though she wanted him to share state secrets with her, not that he knew any, but when he could, he used to share everything with her. Obviously the president having MS was a major secret, sure to rock the administration, but Toby had told her, meaning that Josh could have told her if he had wanted to.

How badly had she ruined things between them?

0000000000000000000000000000 000000000000

It seemed like a lifetime ago, not months, that she was practically living with Josh, bringing him lunch every day, establishing rules to ensure that he healed properly. She had rubbed his back when the pain medication had upset his sensitive system, they had sat together and yelled at CNN and had stayed up talking about everything and nothing when it was obvious Josh didn't want to be alone. When he returned to work, she was so happy and proud that despite the worst intentions of Virginia White Pride, Josh Lyman had lived.

Then Christmas happened and it seemed like all her hard work was for nothing as the demons had returned. This time his pain was self-inflicted, which made it so much worse for her. She had felt guilty that she hadn't noticed he was struggling before he launched his hand through a glass window to make the sirens go away. She had assuaged her guilt by cancelling her plans to go home for the holiday, instead choosing to stay with Josh. The morning she was supposed to fly out, she had lied to Josh and told him that her flight had been cancelled due to a snow storm in the Midwest and it was too late and too expensive to try to book a new one. He had quickly called her bluff and threatened to check her flight details with the FAA, reminding her that they also worked for him. They had had a small argument about her staying with him and not going home to Wisconsin.

"You need to go home, I'm fine." Josh insisted.

"You're not fine, plus it's too late now anyway, I already canceled my flight and it would be too expensive to re-book now, I wasn't lying about that."

"I don't care. I'll buy you a new ticket. Consider it your Christmas present."

"Josh." She whined.

"I don't know why you say my name like that, as though my name alone is some sort of solid counter argument."

"Josh, could you please for once not be, you know, you and just accept my help."

"Fine," he conceded, "but only under the condition that I owe you one. I feel like I'm too much in your debt."

Then they had argued about how friendship didn't mean that you owed anyone anything, you did nice things for that person because you cared. Josh was adamant though that he wasn't going to be in Donna's debt any longer, something about too many years in politics and not feeling comfortable being on the wrong side of owing favours. Despite this Donna still tried her best to convince him that they were even.

"Josh, you gave me a job when I was completely under qualified and then you took me back when you had no reason to trust me, I think we've even."

"You saved my life, Donna. Last summer and last night. We're not even close to being even." The vehemence in his words had startled her, she was used to banter and fun, not serious conversations, with Josh.

"Fine, I reserve the right to a favour in the future." Then suddenly a sly smile appeared on her face, "And I know exactly what I want."

"I can't give you a raise."

"Ah, fine, then I want to go to -"

"I also can't take you to Hawaii." He cut her off abruptly.

"You're really taking all of the fun out of this you know."

"It is my mission in life, remove fun from every occasion."

"Well, congratulation, mission accomplished."

How did the two of them go from what they had to what they were now? He wouldn't even share his thoughts or feelings with her anymore. Everything seemed so surreal. The president had MS. That was enough to unsettle a person, but the universe hadn't been done playing cruel jokes on them.

No, they had to take away Mrs. Landingham. Even thinking about it now upset Donna. That wonderful woman, taken away too soon, while some people might look at her age and suppose she had lived a full life, and to a certain extent that was true, but to those who loved her it was too soon. In a way it was always going to be too soon no matter when it had happened.

So first the MS, then Mrs. Landingham and finally Cliff Calley and the dairy. It was just supposed to have been a date. A simple blind date setup up by Ainsley. A perfect opportunity for Donna to try out her new dating philosophy, so what if he was a Republican, half the country were Republicans too. But there ended up being nothing simple about the date. Donna was willing to take her share of the blame, she shouldn't have seen him the second night, she knew it was wrong, but damn it, that was the old Donna, the old Donna who thought of others first. Cliff was funny and kind and not too hard on the eyes. Why did it have to stop after one date? She knew she shouldn't have slept with him. She wished she could say she knew when it was happening it was wrong or that the sex had been bad and shouldn't that have been punishment enough. But none of those things were true. She didn't feel guilty until the next day, and the sex had been good, really good actually. But she knew she had to come clean, when she had made her new life decision one of the conditions was not doing anything that could hurt the administration and continuing to see Cliff would hurt the administration. She knew she had to tell Josh, but she waited until the last possible moment.

He came walking into the bullpen, admonishing her about her bow-tie tying abilities.

"I got away with this thing, but you should really learn how to tie a bow tie."

"Or you could," she threw back.

"Yeah, but that doesn't seem that likely, right? You can go home."

**"**I'll stick around."

**"**You wanted to talk to me about something before."

No time to chicken out now, she had to tell him."Yeah. Listen ... I was fixed up on a blind date a few nights ago -"

**"**When?" He demanded.

**"**A few nights ago ... and Ainsley fixed us up. He's a Republican lawyer working for Ways and Means, but he was being transferred, and it turns out now he's on Government Oversight -"

"You can't see him anymore."

"I know that."

"You can't see him anymore."

"I _know_ that."

**"**Was it just that night?"

**"**Yeah ...," she could have left it like that, she didn't have to tell him about the second night, but even though she wasn't ready to admit it, even to herself, she had wanted to hurt him. To try and see if there was any part of him that still cared for her. It was childish and juvenile (if Sam were there he would have told her both those words meant the same thing) but she didn't care. "No," she paused, "We got together the next night again. We shouldn't have."

**"**Yeah."

**"**Look, when we got together the first time-" She started to explain her behaviour, a knee jerk reaction when Josh was disappointed with her. She hated disappointed Josh, she could handle angry, yelling Josh, but she couldn't stand the look in his eyes when he was disappointed in her.

**"**You just thought he was with Ways and Means, who I was battling on the estate tax."

**"**I'm sorry-," and she was, seeing the look of disappointment in his brown eyes was more than she could handle. He was still her friend and friends should never do anything to intentionally hurt each other. But that was just what she had done.

**"**Did any reporters see you?"

**"**No."

**"**The second night?"

**"**No."

"All right. You can go home."

**"**The President wants you in five minutes."

**"**Thanks," he turned and went into his office, slamming the door closed behind him.

She wished he had stayed and yelled at her, had said something rude or mean so that she could yell back and get angry at him. Instead he had walked away. She had hurt him and instead of staying to talk things through he had walked away. She had a horrible feeling, an almost physical pain that knotted her stomach, it wasn't so much that she was afraid that she had lost her chance with him (a tiny sliver of hope had still remained alive, despite the events of his rejections months ago) it was the horrible realization that all this time she had been fooling herself because maybe she never had him in the first place.

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Josh had slammed the door closed and threw himself into his chair. He had gotten up to stand against the wall, but quickly abandoned that idea; there was no way that the relaxation technique that Stanley had taught him was going to help him now. He was angry, but he had no right to be. She was allowed to date, she was allowed to...to be with other men. Although the word 'other' implied she had in some way been with him, which wasn't true. They were friends; at least he had thought they were. He wasn't too sure now.

Damn it, he was angry, angry at her. She had ruined everything; didn't she know she was supposed to wait? Wait for him to figure everything out? No, she had to go and ask him out when it wasn't time for that yet. He hadn't worked out his feelings for her yet. Did he just feel gratitude for the way she took care of him or was it something more? He felt lust that was for sure, he had many many fantasies that involved her and his desk, her and the wall next to his office door, her and the floor, really any flat surface and her, but was there something more?

God, things had gotten so complicated. He looked over to the area between the bookshelf and the portable chalkboard, the place where she had finally told him the truth about why she returned to the campaign. The place where she had declared that red lights wouldn't stop her from getting to him if he was in trouble, a part of him had known that already, but to hear her say the words out loud was meaningful. He had thought after that night that things were clearer between them, the doubts that he had in his head seemed insignificant.

But then Leo had called him into his office and everything had changed. What was once a possibility became an improbability.

The news that President Bartlet had MS was hard to take in, so Josh had retreated into political mode. He quickly ran through plans in his head to counterattack the vitriol that was sure to come from the Republicans, hell probably even Democrats were going to crucify them as well. It wasn't until Josh got up to leave and Leo told him to sit back down that he realized there were other things at stake.

"We need to talk about something else."

"There's something else besides the MS? What else is he hiding?" Josh demanded incredulously.

"No, this isn't directly about the president. I'm not sure what's happening in terms of re-election, but I gotta tell you I think he is going to run again."

"Okay," Josh nodded slowly, unsure where the conservation was headed.

"If he runs again, no one is going to let us off the hook, there will be dispositions, special prosecutors, interrogations live on C-SPAN." Leo explained slowly.

"I know. I'll be ready, bring it on."

"I not worried about you so much as I am Donna."

"Donna? She doesn't know anything."

"Do you think these depositions are going to be limited to the president and MS? They will be trawling for anything they can use that will make the administration look weak or untrustworthy."

"I still have no idea what Donna has to do with this? She is as honest as they come, we can trust her," Josh stated firmly, more than a little bothered that Leo was suggesting that Donna was less than trustworthy.

"Let me tell you that I really don't want to be having this conversation, but when you ask your assistant to run home and grab her," Leo paused, clearly uncomfortable, "her...sex toys it becomes my problem."

A deep blush flooded across Josh's cheeks at the words 'sex' and 'toys' coming out of Leo's mouth. It seemed wrong and unnatural. So very wrong and so very unnatural.

"Leo, that was...we were just joking around, of course I didn't actually expect Donna to go home and get her, um, equipment, not that she has any, that I know of," Josh hastened to add, "not that I would know if she did, because we don't have that kind of relationship."

"I know that, but when you make jokes like that in the middle of the bullpen do you not think that people were going to overhear? It got back to me, you think there is no way that the Republicans are not going to subpoena and questions everyone they can? What happens when Donna is under oath and they ask her questions about her relationship with you? You think they are not going to ask her every embarrassing question they can think of to make her look bad? To make you look bad?"

"But nothing is going on," Josh supplied lamely.

"And we all know in politics it is the truth that the public cares about as opposed to the appearance of wrongdoings," Leo retorted sarcastically.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Yes, nothing, whatever is happening with you and Donna needs to be nothing. I understand that you depend on her and she's a great kid, but for now your relationship needs to be nothing more than boss and assistant."

"Fine," Josh turned to walk out of the room, "you know I not even sure what I feel for Donna, I just..."

"I know. I not happy about any of this either."

That conversation with Leo had bothered Josh more than he cared to admit. The last thing he wanted was for Donna to be put through uncomfortable questioning because of him. He owed her so much and how was he going to pay that back? By subjecting her to questions about their non-existent sex life that's how. So when she came to him a few days later, asking him to go out for dinner and drinks his first instinct was to say 'screw the special prosecutors', but he couldn't be that selfish, not with her. He hadn't lied to Leo, he was unsure of his feelings for Donna, didn't know if what he felt was real or misplaced dependency. But the look of hurt in her eyes when he had stumbled over his ineloquent words of rejection would probably haunt him for many years to come.

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She had made it through telling Josh about her date with Cliff, but karma wasn't done with her yet, oh no. Then came the deposition and her instinct to protect Josh took over. It was a simple question. A simple yes or no answer was sufficient. 'Do you keep a diary?' She should have answered 'yes', just gone with the truth. What's that cliché? Honesty is the best policy. But that didn't happen, instead her mouth took control of her body and the words 'no' popped out. She shouldn't have been surprised. Of course, she lied about the diary. There was no way she was going to allow these parasites to read about Josh and what happened last Christmas. They would only use it to make him look unstable or unfit to advise the president. So she had lied, it seemed like the wisest choice at the time, of course she had no idea that Cliff had seen the diary when he was at her apartment that night.

So once again she had to go running to Josh for help. So far she was failing spectacularly at her new plan to take control of her life. Women who were actually in control of their lives didn't have to sit on a park bench while two men decided their faith. And all she could do was sit and wait. There was nothing in the dairy about the president and MS, only her childish fantasies of a make believe life with Josh. But in the end things had turned out relatively fine. Cliff had returned the dairy and life had continued.

She had promised Josh when she had asked him out and he said no that this wasn't going to turn into a thing, but she found her feelings for him were harder to turn off than she had imagined they would be. It wasn't like switching off a light. Now that time had passed she could finally admit to herself that sleeping with Cliff Calley had been a childish attempt to make Josh jealous, an attempt which had utterly failed. For a little while things were calm, an uneasy banter returned to their conversation, they appeared to be forging a new Josh and Donna. To the outside world, no one would have noticed that things were off. She still bantered, Donna had even helped Josh and CJ come up with a statement as to why the president wanted to, you know, be president. It was the little things that were the clues that everything wasn't right. At lunch, Donna didn't eat with Josh in his office, instead choosing to go down to the mess or eat at her desk using the excuse she was having a working lunch. They didn't leave at the end of the day together anymore, one of them usually begged off, citing work. It wasn't the old Josh and Donna, but there was less tension, less hostility, maybe it was just what they needed, a little break from each other. They did spend close to 16 hours a day together, something 7 days a week so a little time apart was probably all they needed. Donna was actually starting to believe that things could go back to normal, whatever their new normal was going to be, but that was before Josh reconnected with Amy Gardner.

Donna soon realized that the opposite of love wasn't hate, it was indifference. Because if she was truly over Josh Lyman she would be indifferent to him being ensorcelled by Amy, but she wasn't, she felt it to her core, it was another rejection. This one more blatantly obvious. Once again, Josh found himself ensorcelled by a woman who was the polar opposite of her

It was Mandy, Part 2: Even Bitchier.

Part 2: Bitch Harder?

Part 2: The Bitchening?

It didn't matter what she called it. Amy was a short, brunette, professional career driven woman, while Donna was tall, blonde and an assistant. The message couldn't have been more clear.

If only Donna had known that Amy Gardner coming into her life would actually be the turning point in her relationship with Josh, she would have sent the woman a bouquet of flowers.

Josh had been sent to see Amy Gardner by the First Lady so he couldn't blow the meeting off. He had a vague memory of her from college, had seen her around town, knew she was working as a lobbyist for a women's group, but hadn't really talked to her. The conversation had started off fine, not fine as in enjoyable, but fine in that they were talking about the professional reason he had come to see her, but then the discussion had taken a personal turn for some unknown reason.

**"**Are you dating your assistant?"

"No."

**"**I heard you might be."

**"**I'm not."

**"**She's cute."

Josh's first thought was 'no, she's not cute, she's beautiful,' but figured it best not to give voice to that sentiment. Instead he said, "She's my assistant."

**"**Are you dating Joey Lucas?"

**"**No."

**"**She's not your assistant."

"I know."

**"**You know the thing, with guys like you -"

**"**Why are we talking about this?"

**"**Because you stopped by."

**"**I'm a visible guy ... people say things about me. People write things. And what I do reflects on the President."

**"**Nice save."

"Wait, people think I'm dating Donna?"

"Who's Donna?"

"My assistant." Try and keep up lady, he screamed unfairly in his head. Why should she know his assistant's name?

"Yes, for the most part, people think you are dating your assistant, um, Donna."

"And what do people say about it."

"That you're dating her," she huffed. "This is a very circular conversation."

"I mean what do people say about it, you know, what do they think?"

"Wow, it's good to see that after all of these years your ego is still intact, in fact I would swear that it has actually grown. You're not that important Josh, most of America just knows you as that guy who got shot." She said without a trace of sympathy, but continued anyway, "No one says anything really, it just a known fact that you are dating your assistant, or a mistaken fact I guess." She shrugged.

"Okay, thanks. I gotta go," he turned to exit her office.

"Wait, I still want to talk to you about this bill."

"I got the salient details Amy: Prostitution bad. I'm late for a thing."

Josh was vaguely aware of Amy yelling something after him, but he didn't stop to listen. He was too overwhelmed by idea that everyone in DC thought he was dating Donna, not that he was completely unaware of the rumour, of course no one had the guts to say anything to his face, but he was aware of the gossip. No, what he didn't realize was that no one gave a damn. People thought he was dating Donna and no one cared. It was a wonderfully freeing realization.

Josh practically bounced his way out of the building, excited that 50 percent of the reason why he and Donna couldn't be, well, together was no longer an issue. Now all he needed was for the damn depositions and investigation to be over.

Josh didn't have to wait too long for the rest of his Donna related obstacles to disappear. A deal had been worked out between Leo and, of all people, Cliff Calley. The president would accept the censure and the investigation would be over.

The last obstacle had fallen. But was he too late? It had been almost 7 months since she had stood in his office, beautiful but unsure of herself, and had asked him out. Since that time so much had happened. He had felt them drifting apart but was powerless to stop it. He missed her, missed her inane chatter, her pointless trivia, he missed her mere presence. These last few months, he had felt like he had been thrown into a prize fight with both arms tied behind his back and every time he looked into his corner for help, where he expected to see Donna, it had been empty. But now the ties had been removed and he felt like he finally had a fighting chance. It wasn't going to be easy, but he was going to get Donna back. It would have to start with re-gaining her trust and her friendship, but he was willing to put in the time and effort because things were different now. He wasn't willing to let her go without a fight this time.

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimers in Part 1

Author's Notes: Sorry for the delay between posting the last chapter and this one, but I have been so sick that the thought of getting out of bed was too much to handle. In addition, the antibiotics I am on are making me loopy, so even though I have read this chapter multiple times I can't decide if it is great or is the worst thing that I have even written. Feedback is always welcome.

As always no beta, so all mistakes are mine.

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It felt like old times again, everyone was working together to get the low-income family tax bill passed. The new bill would be especially beneficial for single mothers. It was a great bill and everyone was determined to get the votes needed for it to pass. Josh was hustling and browbeating people for votes, Toby and Sam were putting the finishing touches on the speech for the president, and CJ was waiting to announce to the press that the bill that would make 100 thousand more families eligible for tax benefits had been passed.

They had taken over the Roosevelt Room, file folders spread across the table. A portable black board had been brought into the room to keep track of votes; there was a hum of excitement and activity in the air. It was nice to focus on something that didn't have to do with the president's MS for a little while.

"Has anyone ordered food yet?" Josh asked from the other side of the room.

Donna had been actively trying to ignore Josh for most of the day. She was still trying to negotiate a new working relationship with him. She felt awkward bringing any banter or flirting considering the fact that not only had he rejected her advances, but from all appearances he seemed to be dating Amy Gardner. So her plan was to limit all contact with him until she could work out how she was going to handle their future interactions. This mission, however, was actually quite difficult given the fact that he was her boss, and her presence at his side was often necessary.

"Yeah, we sent an intern out to pick it up," Donna answered.

"What did you order? I'm sick of pizza and Chinese, it feels like that's all I'm eaten in the last week," Josh complained.

"Probably because that is all you've eaten, mi amore," CJ shot back with a smile.

"It's not Chinese or pizza," Donna confirmed.

"Well, what did you get then?" Josh asked again.

"I sent the intern over to MacDonald's to pick up a crap load of food."

"'A crap load', hmm, I think we should try and incorporate that phrase into our speech. 'This new bill will make a crap load of families eligible for tax breaks'," Sam joked lightly.

Toby didn't even crack a smile at Sam's joke. Toby had long past the point where a smile was even a possibility.

Josh was too excited by the prospect of a burnt hamburger to pay any attention to Toby and Sam's bickering.

"You're going to let me eat from MacDonald's? You told them I need my hamburger burnt right?"

"Hmm," Donna responded distractedly.

"I said, did you tell the intern that I need my hamburger burnt like a hockey puck?"

"Oh, Josh. I said we were getting food from MacDonald's. I never said I had ordered you a hamburger."

"What? But I assumed, I mean what else does MacDonald's serve?"

"Oh, Josh, don't you know what happens when you assume..." she trailed off, biting back a smile.

"You make an ass out of you and me," CJ supplied happily.

"Thanks to the peanut gallery," Josh responded sharply. "Donna," he started to whine like a 6 year old, "What did you order me?"

"A salad. I ordered you a nice large salad. Did you even know that MacDonald's had salads?" Donna asked good-naturedly, pleased with the look of horror spreading across Josh's face.

"A salad?" Josh asked in shock. "You can't order a salad from MacDonald's"

"Why not?" Donna asked in an exasperated tone.

"Because...because ordering a salad from MacDonald's is like paying a prostitute for a hug."

"Well, I wouldn't know anything about that, but I suppose we could just ask Sam." Donna commented, completely deadpan.

"Hey, sitting right here," Sam said in a hurt tone of voice.

"Will you all just shut up! I'm trying to write a speech other here," Toby yelled from his seat at the head of the table.

Coincidently, the intern arrived at the exact moment Toby had finished yelling at everyone. The intern placed the take out bags on the table and left to hand out the rest of his deliveries.

"Donna," Josh said, walking up to her, "are you really going to make me eat a salad while everyone else is happily eating their hamburger?" He asked with a teasing smile, dimples on full display.

"I will also be having a salad, so you won't be the only one."

"Donna," he whined.

"Fine, you can have one hamburger if you eat your salad first."

"Thanks Mom," he replied sarcastically as he leaned across her and grabbed a salad and a burger from one of the MacDonald's bags.

The rest of the evening hummed along without incident: Josh got the votes, Toby and Sam finished the speech, and CJ went to go give her final press conference before calling a full lid. At the night of the night, the troops reassembled in the Roosevelt Room, all pleased with the outcome of the day.

"Well, I need a grasshopper or twenty, who's with me? To The Hawk and Dove?" CJ looked around, doing a head count to see who would be joining her.

Everyone started collecting their things, grabbing their coats and bags when Sam noticed Josh falling behind.

"You coming?" Sam questioned.

"Ah, I kinda have a thing; I'm meeting someone for drinks."

Donna tried to ignore the conversation between Sam and Josh, but it was like a car crash; the more she tried to focus on something else, the more she just couldn't look away.

"Who? Surely, no one more important than us." CJ joked.

"Um, Amy Gardner, I'm meeting her for a drink."

"Would this be date number two?" CJ asked.

"Not really, I wouldn't call these things dates, more like forced encounters." Josh responded.

"Well, you could do worse," CJ noted.

If Donna hadn't been standing right next to Sam, she would have never heard him when he leaned over and spoke softly into her ear, "He could also do a lot better," while giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

Donna gave Sam a gentle smile of thanks. She gathered her purse and exited the room, refusing to spend an extra second thinking about Josh and his date with Amy Gardner.

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Several hours, and many whiskey sours later, Donna stumbled up into her apartment. She pulled off her work clothes and grabbed the first pair of pajamas she saw. She had crossed the line from pleasantly tipsy to drunk quite a while ago, but her mind refused to shut off. She wished she could block out the memory of that day is his office. Block out the memory of his words all together. She wished she could forget him telling her she was a great girl. As though he was talking to a five year old child. Apparently, she was great, just not good enough for him. She knew she was being unfair. It's not rational to blame the other person for not having the same feelings. You know the type of people who get angry because their feelings are not reciprocated? Stalkers, that who. And that was an unflattering comparison that she didn't want to spend too much time dwelling on. It wasn't his fault that every time he opened his mouth he unintentionally hurt her. She knew it was unintentional. Josh was so clueless when it came to women, even if that woman was her. He didn't mean his words to cut into her, but they did. She wasn't sure what was worse, him intentionally saying and doing things to hurt her or the fact that his behaviour had nothing to do with her because she wasn't in his thoughts at all. God, she needed more alcohol. She walked unsteadily into the kitchen, pulling out a half open bottle of white wine from the refrigerator and pouring herself a glass.

In her lowest moments, like tonight, she felt sorry for herself. She was a good girl, besides the incident with Cliff; she had led a life on the straight and narrow. And she refused to feel guilty about Cliff. There was nothing to feel guilty about. In fact, if a person were to look at the situation, a case could be made that if she hadn't have slept – no, dated Cliff Calley, then he would have never called her to set up the meeting in the library. He would have never talked to Josh to make that deal and then Leo would have had to continue his testimony, but none of that happened because she had gone out that blind date.

So really, she had saved the day, she was a hero.

Bullshit. What a pile of bullshit. It was all bullshit.

When she had returned from Wisconsin, she had thought she could change things so easily, but so far, things had been a disaster. Well, no more. She was serious this time. She had let that man hurt her for the last time. It was her fault really for giving him so much power over her. She was going to have a life that didn't include Josh Lyman. She choked back tears, leaning her head against the cool refrigerator door and considering the very real possibility that if she took the job offer from Casey Reed, in two weeks time she would never see Josh again. Taking great, heaving breaths, she attempted to calm herself, the powerful combination of white wine and emotion threatening to overcome her. Somehow, she had lost her way, and without realizing it, she had fallen into a life that revolved around taking care of a man again. It was getting John through medical school again, expect this time the geography can changed and she was in DC taking care of a neurotic monomaniacal politician.

She could go to bed, drown herself in tears and wine, and spend the rest of her life regretting her inaction, or she could change. Now. Tonight.

She ran around her apartment, randomly grabbing any item that belonged to Josh and threw them in her tote bag. She was going to start by ridding her apartment of any memory of him before she moved on to removing him from her life completely. She took a quick look around, making sure she hadn't forgotten anything. When she was satisfied she had everything, she threw on a jacket, smoothed down her hair, pulled opened the door and took off to Georgetown.

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Donna watched the cab pull away from the curb, leaving her utterly stranded. It was too late to change her mind now. She gave a little sigh of dismay as her heart pounded and blood rushed to her ears. She should have drunk more wine.

She was standing alone, in the middle of the night, in the entrance way to his building. She knew he wouldn't be home; he was too busy with Amy. She could use her key to slip in, drop his stuff off, and leave. She ran up the entrance way and opened the door to the building. He would never know that she had been there.

It was the perfect plan.

It was the stupidest plan in the history of the world. Right up there with the secret plan to fight inflation.

What had she been thinking? Had she been thinking at all? What if he was bringing Amy back to his place? She turned to head back out to the street. She could use her cell to call a cab and -

"Donna?"

That be right, of course Josh was standing in front of her, the universe would have it no other way.

"What are you doing here? Is it work? Do you need me?"

How four little words could hurt so much, she would never know. Did she need him? Always, the word came screaming into her mind. She would need him always. The truth of that thought saddened her more than she thought possible.

"I don't know why I'm here, I'm sorry. So sorry, I have to go." She refused to make eye contact, so afraid he would see how truly pathetic she was.

One of his eyebrows rose at her words. Donna took it as her cue to escape, without another word; she turned abruptly, brushing by him and grasped the door handle. She had opened the door a fraction of an inch when a hand shot over her shoulder and slammed the door shut. Well, he had quicker reflexes than she would have given him credit for. She tugged at the door with both hands, while Josh often made fun of how strong she was, the fact was her strength was no match for his; only one single, strong arm kept the door firmly shut.

"Please," she spoke, her words barely above a whisper, "let me leave."

"You're talking like I made you come here. You came here on your own, don't you think I deserve some kind of explanation." His reply was quiet, spoken just at the nape of her neck, sending a shiver or something through her? Was it panic? Nerves? Desire? His body was so close to hers, she could feel the heat radiating off of him, almost overwhelming her, but they were not actually touching. Donna stared at the door, wondering how she was going to get Josh to open the door so she could leave.

"Josh, you've had your fun, open the door."

"Come on, Donna. Do you really think I'm going to let you leave without telling me why you were here in the first place?"

Of course, he wasn't going to let her leave, Donna knew better than that.

"Fine." Donna acquiesced.

Taking a breath, she let go of the door handle and began to turn towards him. He took a step back, letting go of the door. He titled his head down slightly, taking in the sight of her in her pajamas. They stared at each other, neither speaking, until finally Josh broke the silence.

"What are you doing here? Is something wrong? Did something happen? Are you okay?" Quickly panic overtook him, unsettled by the idea that something horrible had happened to Donna and that was why he had found her in front of his apartment building in the middle of the night.

"No, I'm fine. Nothing's wrong," she quickly reassured him. Immediately the concern left Josh's face, only to be overtaken by amusement again.

"So, then what are you doing here?"

In the long moment of quiet, Donna looked anywhere but at him, and he took note of her nervousness. He wasn't used to seeing her so jumpy. It wasn't long before his surprise and confusion at finding her at his home, turned to amusement and he casually leaned against the wall by the door.

"Contrary to what you might think, I don't often have women showing up at my place in the middle of the night," he threw at her with smirk.

Heat flared in her checks, turning them an unflattering shade of red.

"So, I'll ask one more time, what brings you to my doorstep in the middle of the night?" Josh was clearly having fun with the situation. In fact, the day was turning out much better than he could have hoped for. He had thought the highlight of his day was going to be getting the bill passed, but when he walked up the stairs and saw Donna, all bets were off. After the bill had been passed, things had taken an uncomfortable turn and he had once again been forced to see Amy Gardner. The First Lady thought it was only polite for Josh to meet Amy in person to thank her for all the work she had done lobbying for the bill. It was obvious that the First Lady was playing matchmaker and there was nothing he could do about it now. What could he say? 'Thanks, but I'm more interested in my assistant.' Yeah, that was definitely not an option, so he had gone to Wilson's and had a drink with Amy. He would have to put his foot down soon, but his hope was that Amy would realize they didn't suite and call off Mrs. Bartlett before things progressed any further.

He had been trying for a few days now to find a time where he could be alone with Donna, but so far, he had had no luck. Things were heating up with re-election, tobacco, and polling numbers so there had been no time to initiate his 'make-things-up-to-Donna-plan', okay, as far as titles went, it sucked, but it was the sentiment that mattered. He was going to show Donna how important she was to him and hopefully there would be another opportunity for a date of some kind to occur.

"What brings you to my doorstep in the middle of the night?" He repeated for the third time.

"I was in the neighbourhood?"

"In the middle of the night?"

"Yes, I just decided to go for a walk and found myself... in Georgetown."

"Outside of my house?" His words were dry with obvious disbelief.

"It's true," maybe if she stuck to her story, he would let it go.

"You live on the other side of town and you walked all the way here...in your pajamas," he re-crossed his arms and leaned arrogantly against the doorframe.

"Yes."

He snorted, and she snapped an indignant gaze to meet his mocking brown eyes, and blurted out, "You don't believe me?"

"Not a word," he supplied evenly. "Why don't you try the truth this time?"

She dropped her eyes to the floor, desperate for another lie to pop into her mind, anything really that would get her out of this situation.

He could be a gentlemen about the whole situation, take pity on her and pretend the whole evening had never happened, but he got the feeling that despite her obvious discomfort, there was a part of her that wanted to stay and talk it out.

"Donnatella," he practically whispered her name.

"Please don't call me that," she said hurriedly.

"I always call you Donnatella. You don't like it when I call you Donnatella?" he asked softly.

She shook her head no, refusing to meet his eyes. For some reason, hearing him say her full name sounded too intimate, it was more than she could take. It spoke of realtionship they simply didn't share anymore.

"Donna..." He coaxed, the words spoken in a deep tone that she was certain he used whenever he wanted something from a reluctant senator. She would not be surprised to learn that it always worked. "Why are you here?"

And then, whether from courage or cowardice or too much white wine, she decided to tell him the truth. After all, the evening couldn't possibly get any worse.

"I brought you your stuff. I noticed it lying around my apartment and I thought maybe you might need it," she said softly, while shoving the tote bag full of his belongings into his hands.

That wasn't the answer he was expecting, he was surprised by her timid words, barely audible in the small foyer. For a moment he thought he had misunderstood her, but another pink flush blossomed across her alabaster cheeks and his heart constricted by the message being sent. The returning of possession was the final step in a break-up, and while they had never dated, somehow the knowledge and she no longer wanted to curl up on her sofa in his Harvard sweater was more painful than he would have ever thought possible. This couldn't be over between them, it haven't even started yet. He needed one more chance.

"I don't want this back," he said, and pushed the tote bag back into her hands.

"Josh, there's no reason for this stuff to be at my place anymore."

She couldn't have hurt him more if she had punched him in the gut. No reason for his things to be there? He knew he had hurt her, but was it so easy for her to walk away?

"Plus," she continued, "it's probably not, you know, appropriate now." She finished and looked away towards the door.

"What do you mean not appropriate?" He asked genuinely confused.

"It's not like you're going to be coming by to use these things anymore, now that, um, you have another apartment that you'll be spending time at."

"What other apartment? What are you talking about?"

Finally, she met his eyes; she hoped he couldn't see the hurt staring back at him. Why was he going to make her say the words? Why couldn't he just take his damn things and let her leave? Why did everything have to turn into a battle of wills with him?

"Amy. I imagine you will be spending your free time at her place, so..." she trailed off, unable to finish her thought.

"What?" He practically screamed at her, if he was confused before he was positively bewildered now. "It's not like that, we're not -"

She cut him off before he could finish, "You don't owe me an explanation, Josh. You are free to do what whatever you want with your free time, I'm just your assistant."

"Don't say that, you don't mean that. You're not just my assistant. You are one of my best friends."

"It hasn't felt that way lately."

He was shocked by her honesty. There hadn't been too much honesty between them; lately it had all been avoidance and awkward conversations. She was right though, they hadn't felt like friends, and it was more than partly his fault. He had worked so hard at pushing her away that he didn't stop to think about the consequences of him succeeding until it was right in front of him being displayed by her trying to sneak into his apartment in the middle of the night to return his things.

"No, it hasn't."

She looked up, surprised that he was willing to acknowledge the rift between them.

"How...how do we get back to what we were?" she asked shyly, and then a new sudden horrible thought overtook her, "if that is even what you want?"

"It is," he responded forcefully taking a step towards her, not wanting her to think for even a moment that their relationship wasn't important to him.

"Okay." She said, the beginning of a smile curling up the edges of her mouth. It was a beautiful sight to see, he thought.

"Okay," he echoed back. "So, you need to take that bag back because the next time I show up drunk at your place, and I promise there will be a next time, I'll have some clothes there so I won't have to walk around naked, unless of course you ask real nice."

"Okay," accompanied by another shy smile.

Josh smiled at her obvious nervousness. He leaned over and ran a finger along the edge of her hairline, tucking a stray strand behind her ear gently. She looked at him with her wide blue eyes, and he felt a rush of tenderness in his chest. He leaned closer, moving slowly, afraid she might run away any second, and then his firm mouth brushed across hers, settling briefly, barely touching her lips, before she jumped back, one hand involuntarily flying to her mouth.

He stared at her unsure of her thoughts, the kiss had been chaste, almost platonic in nature, it was a huge step for him, but he wanted to make his intentions clear without overwhelming her. "Was that okay?" he asked gently.

"Yes!" she said much too loudly.

His bit off a half laugh, not wanting to embarrass her by letting her think he was laughing at her, he was just happy. He moved even closer towards her, settling his hands on her shoulder. He trailed his fingers down her neck, touching the skin that was exposed at the gap of her jacket. Without declaring any intentions he leaned over and kissed her again. This time there was nothing chaste or platonic about the kiss.

He pulled her against him and pressed his mouth to hers. His lips, firm, and warm played across her own until a small sigh left her mouth. He captured the sound in his mouth, taking advantage of her open lips to run his tongue along them, tasting her lightly until she couldn't bear the teasing. He seemed to read her thoughts, and just when she couldn't stand another minute, he pulled her even closer and deepened the kiss, changing the pressure. He delved deeper, stroked more firmly.

Donna felt overwhelmed, almost like she was drowning, but in the most wonderful way possible. Her hands seemed to move of their own accord, running along his broad shoulders and wrapping around his neck. She meet Josh's tongue with her own and was rewarded with a satisfied sound from deep in his throat as he tightened his grip, sending another wave of heat through her.

He broke off the kiss then, running his lips across her cheek and setting them to her ear, taking the soft lobe between his teeth and biting gently, sending waves of pleasure coursing through her body. From far away, Donna heard a whimper and realized it was her own. He returned to her lips, claiming her mouth again. All she wanted was to be closer to him, to be held tightly, but without clothes separating them. When he lifted his mouth from hers, she was not capable of speech.

She had just kissed Josh, she could still taste the scotch that he had obviously drank earlier that night, she wondered if he could taste the wine on her...oh sweet baby Jesus, she was drunk, he was probably drunk too, and they had kissed. She was more confused than ever because she had no idea what in the hell it meant.

TBC...


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimers in Part 1:

0000000

Donna woke late, or late for her, it wouldn't be considered late for most normal people to get up at 5:45 in the morning, but as Donna's usual wake up time was 5:10 she had definitely overslept. She lay in bed for a few moments, simply staring up at the ceiling, a feeling of nervous apprehension combined with nausea rolling around her unsettled stomach. At first her groggy mind was unable to pinpoint the exact reason for why she was feeling so – oh, that's right. It all came rushing back to her: working on the bill, drinking too much at The Hawk and Dove, drinking even more wine at home, going to Josh's apartment, kissing Josh. Kissing Josh! She shot up straight in bed and froze, eyes wide, naively hoping that the whole night had been a dream, but she knew better. God! She had really kissed Josh, okay, so Josh had kissed her first, but there had been definite reciprocation on her part.

What had she been thinking traipsing off in the middle of the night to return Josh's things? It had definitely been alcohol-fueled decision making at its worst. She had kissed Josh. No matter how many times she said it, she almost couldn't believe it had actually happened. Remembering the kiss, Donna flushed, feeling a wave of heat wash across her face, causing her to drop her head into her heads, groaning in abject mortification. She would never touch a drop of alcohol again. Okay, let's not be too hasty she thought to herself. From now on, only alcohol on special events and holidays, that sounded like a reasonable plan.

Donna flopped back on her bed with a sigh and willed the universe to strike her dead, or at the very least cause some sort of snowstorm that would force the government to have to shut down for the foreseeable future, so she wouldn't have to go into work today...or for the next few months and face Josh; especially after the way she had left him last night.

After the kiss, and the horrible realization that they were both drunk, Donna had spied a cab pulling up to the curb to drop off a passenger, seeing her chance to escape, Donna had mumbled a quick goodbye and had jumped into the cab before Josh even had a chance to say anything.

Well, there was nothing she could do to change the past now. Turing around to take a peek out of her bedroom window, Donna could see only a beautiful blue clear sky, so the chance of some freak storm saving her was out of the question. If she hurried, she was pretty sure that she would still make it to the office before Josh. She pushed back the duvet and padded to the bathroom. She quickly undressed and jumped into the shower. Twenty minutes later, she was dressed and out the door. The weather was actually quite nice, cool, but not unbearably cold, so she decided to take the Metro and walk the rest of the way to work.

Flashing her White House ID, Donna strolled into the bullpen, schooling her features into one of neutrality. No matter how confused she was about her kiss with Josh, she was a professional and she refused to be affected by her indefinable relationship with her boss/best-friend while at work. Donna took a deep breath, sending a silent prayer to the fates on high (as Toby liked to say) that Josh was not in yet so she would have some time before engaging in the inevitable awkward conversation that was sure to follow thanks to their drunken indiscretion from last night. She knew she couldn't avoid him for long, but at least she hoped she could avoid him right now. Opening the door to his office gingerly, Donna was relieved to find it empty, it was a huge mess, but it was empty. Releasing a sigh of air, Donna focused on the task at hand, organizing the disaster area that masqueraded as Josh's office before checking phone messages and faxes.

"So, she lives."

Donna whirled towards the sound with a small gasp.

"Sam," she said with a smile.

"I was afraid we were never going to see you again. You sure can drink a lot. For a girl anyway." He smiled warmly.

"Don't be jealous just because I have an iron stomach," she joked slightly while her stomach rolled in a decidedly uncomfortable manner, not that she would ever let Sam know that.

"Well, I'm just glad you had a good time." Sam paused suddenly, "You did have a nice time right? I mean the thing with Josh going for a drink with Amy -"

"Sam," she cut him off, she knew he was just trying to cheer her up, but she couldn't talk to Sam about Josh. If she started that conversation, she knew she would tell Sam that Josh had kissed her last night and she wasn't prepared to open that can of worms at this particular moment. "I had a nice time last night. Anytime you want to get me drunk, I'm in."

"Who could turn down an invitation like that? Anyway, I was just returning the favour from when you took me out drinking after I found out about my father. I also had a nice time last night it was fun. You, Donna Moss, are a lovely person and an amusing drinking partner."

"And, of course, it is your amusement that is of the utmost importance, Sam."

Donna stiffened as the irritated words sailed into the office. She tried to remain calm as Josh walked into the room.

Sensing her nervousness, Sam winked at her before turning a wide, open smile towards Josh, "Of course it is, Josh."

If possible, Josh appeared more irritated. He turned to Donna, spearing her with his brown eyes. A bright blush involuntarily rose in her cheeks and she forced herself to look at anything but him.

"Where's my schedule?" Josh demanded abruptly.

"There's no need to be rude, Josh." Sam protested.

"I don't tell you how to talk to your assistant, so I don't think it's any busy of yours how I talk to mine," Josh replied curtly. "Now, I need to talk to Donna. Alone."

Donna's heart began to pound like a jackhammer in her chest. God, did he want to talk about last night? Here? Now? Why couldn't he just be his usual oblivious Josh and pretend the whole thing had never happened? They could just chalk it up as being another odd moment in the series of odd moments between them.

"I'll talk to you later Donna," Sam said, offering Donna a bright smile.

She couldn't help but smile back. Things were so easy with Sam, if she was smarter she would have fallen in love with him instead.

Josh waited for Sam to close the door to his office before waving Donna into one of the visitor's chairs, then walking around to seat himself behind his desk.

She lowered her head, pretending to be enthralled by the file folder in her hand, it was important for her to appear as though it was business as usual.

"I want to talk to you about the state dinner tonight. I need you to get me 5 minutes alone with Senator Hobbes. I don't care how, but I need it to be just him and me, no one from his staff. Can you do that?"

Donna quashed the sting of disappointment forming in her chest. She didn't look up, instead she turned her attention to her hands, clenched together in her lap, desperately trying to forget that hours ago those same hands had been wrapped around his neck in an intimate embrace. Now, she felt like wrapping her hands around his neck in different manner altogether.

She wasn't being fair. She had been dreading the possibility of talking about the kiss all morning, so why should Josh be any different? Probably because she wasn't sure what it had meant to him. He sat before her, all business, seemingly entirely unmoved by their kiss.

She cleared her throat and said, "No problem. I'm on it."

"Is that my schedule in your hands that you are wringing the life out of?" he asked in a soft tone.

"Oh, yeah. Here," she leaned over slightly and placed his schedule in front of him. "You have staff in 15 minutes, and then you have meetings on the hill all afternoon, but make sure you are back here in time to change for the dinner tonight. I went to the cleaners and your tuxedo in hanging in the closet." She felt more comfortable when she could focus on work.

"You're still coming tonight? You have a freshly stolen dress for the evening?"

Her cheeks pinkened again, she felt as though she hadn't stopped blushing since last night. "Yes, Josh. I have a dress."

"Okay. I'll see you later then."

"Okay."

He held her gaze, looking into her as though he could read her mind. Eventually he turned away and looked down at his schedule as she slipped out of the room, softly closing the door behind her.

00000

Donna was going to be pissed at him. He had been screwing up the whole day. He had a plan, a great plan really (it had nothing to do with inflation). He was going to walk into work, call Donna into his office, apologize for kissing her in the alcove to his apartment building (he wasn't going to apologize for the actual kissing, no, no, that had been great, but Donna deserved more than a drunken fumble outside in the middle of the night), then ask her to officially accompany him to the state dinner this evening. Instead he had walked in on Sam and Donna laughing and smiling and some neuron in his brain had snapped and instead of being alluring and apologetic he had turned into snarky, jealous Josh. And now, despite Donna's reminder, he was going to be late coming back from the hill.

"Josh!"

"Hey, Chris."

"Shouldn't you be getting ready for that dinner thing tonight."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going."

"If you're late Donna is going to kill you."

"I know."

"Oh, sorry. This is Casey Reed, he's starting a new internet site, reporting on politics, it going to be non-partisan, but I'm doing my best to change his mind about that."

This was the guy. This was the guy who had offered Donna a job. This was the guy who was trying to take Donna away from him.

"Hi, nice to meet you, but from the look on your face I don't think the feeling is mutual," Casey joked with an outstretched hand.

Josh stared at Casey's open hand, finally given into the manners taught to him by his mother, and shook it, "So you're the guy who offered Donna a job. She already has a job. With me."

"You offered Donna a job? Are you crazy?" Chris turned to stare at Casey.

"It wasn't my intention to cause any trouble. I have known Donna for a long time, a job came up at Capitol Scoop and I thought she would be perfect for it." Casey explained.

"Well, she's not taking the job, so good luck finding someone else."

"Really, when I talked to her last, she said she hadn't made up her mind yet," Casey trailed off.

"You're obviously confused. Donna is happy with her current job and she has no intentions to leave, so stop poaching my department," Josh snapped back. He turned without another word and continued his walk back to the White House.

Donna wasn't leaving, Josh told himself. She had turned down the job. Okay, while she hadn't actually told him that she wasn't leaving, one would think that sort of information would pop up during the natural course of conversation. Wouldn't it? Yes, things had been strained, but not enough for her to make a huge life decision (that would affect him too) without at least talking to him first, right?

He needed to get back to the office and talk to Donna.

0000000

As much as Donna enjoyed these state dinners, especially when she got to dress up in a new gown, stolen or not, Donna loved the feel of wearing something new, (even if it would only be hers for a few hours before she had to return it to the store), after awhile all these functions eventually blurred into one long endless night of eating, sucking-up, drinking and dancing and because she was still attending in a professional capacity: work.

However, the room was beautiful. Every inch had been polished until it shone, from floors and windows to the enormous crystal chandelier and wall scones that held thousands of twinkling candles (how that was not a fire hazard she would never know), to the marble columns that lined the length of the room. The guests were dressed to the nines, eager to see and be seen at one of the more glamorous social events of the year.

Normally Donna would be mingling with the guests or staffing Josh, but as he had yet to arrive, she wasn't feeling in a mingling mood. Keeping her head down to try to limit the number of people she would be required to stop and acknowledge while they made small talk, Donna made her way over to a waiter to grab a flute of champagne.

She was almost at her destination when she heard her name being called by a vaguely familiar voice.

"Donna."

"Cliff, what a surprise!" Donna plastered a too-bright smile on her face and turned towards the man who unintentionally had turned her life upside down. She hadn't spoken to him since the day he had called her to meet him at the library.

"Yes, I guess it is. I'm not usually invited to these events." He smiled back at her, although his smile appeared to be genuine.

She paused, waiting for him to elaborate on his presence at the White House, but when he didn't offer any additional information she said, "It's nice to see you again."

"It's nice to see you too. You look quite lovely this evening," Cliff leaned in towards her.

"Thank you," she replied politely.

"Would you do me the honour of a dance?"

The unexpected invitation gave Donna pause. Should she be dancing with the man who only months ago had read her most personal thoughts? Who almost had her charged with perjury? She absently wondered if Emily Post had rules regarding this sort of thing.

"Oh, I, ah -" she stumbled.

"Donna! There you are," Margaret appeared out of nowhere and grabbed Donna's arm. "I ripped my dress and I need your help to repair the hem."

A wave of relief rushed through Donna. "Of course, Margaret." She offered Cliff what she hoped looked like a regretful smile, "Maybe we can dance later?"

"Sure."

Donna took Margaret's arm, and the red-haired woman starting chattering about how she had ripped her dress, something about Leo and shrimp. Donna wasn't sure because she was only half listening. Why did Cliff want to dance with her? They hadn't spoken in months. Usually when the man you're dating forces you to hand over your diary or else you'll be held in contempt of congress, it is sure fire way to end a relationship.

"Oh, look, your boss finally decided to show up. Leo's not going to be happy he was late."

Donna's heart skipped a beat, she turned around looking for Josh in the mass of people, but she couldn't seem to locate him. She turned back towards Margaret and gave a small yelp.

"Josh! Jesus you scared me. Where have you been? You should have been here an hour ago." Donna decided to focus her attention on his lack of punctuality until she could get her breathing under control.

"There was a thing on the hill that I couldn't get out of," he replied, never taking his eyes off of Donna. "Come dance with me?"

"What?" Donna blurted out, what's with everyone's sudden need to dance with her?

"Dance?" he repeated slowly, "I know I'm late but people still dance at these things right? They haven't forbidden dancing in the hour that I was late?"

"Umm, I can't, I have to go help Margaret fix her dress," she explained weakly.

"You don't mind if I have Donna for a while, do you Margaret?" Josh directed the question towards Leo's long time assistant.

"Not at all, in fact I think I see Ginger near the dessert table, she should be able to help." Margaret answered, while walking towards her fellow red head leaving Donna alone with Josh.

Donna stood still, feet planted on the floor, refusing to be led onto the dance floor. "I don't feel like dancing right now, Josh. I'm thirsty."

"I'll get you drunk later, come on."

Josh pulled her into the centre of the room, as he guided her across the floor, Donna saw Margaret standing next to Ginger, both of them offering a little nod of encouragement.

Desperate to lighten the mood, Donna asked, "So how's your thing?"

"My thing?" Josh asked with a smirk.

"Grow up, Josh. You said there was a thing on the hill and that was why you were late."

"Ah, that. Senator Mitchell would not shut up about the new highway bill," he paused slightly before continuing. "And then when I was on my way back I ran into Chris Wick, he, ah, had someone with him. Someone you know. Casey Reed."

Refusing to allow herself to be flustered, she asked calmly, "Oh, what did he say?"

"That you hadn't turned down his job offer yet, even though I thought we had discussed this already. You're not going anywhere."

"It wasn't a discussion Josh; a discussion involves two people expressing themselves in a calm and respectful manner. That was not what happened. What happened was you tried to placate me by giving me the job title I already have and basically laughed the job offer off."

"Well then, how about this? I don't think you should leave because this administration needs hardworking, caring people like you."

*Do you need me?* The question hung is the air unspoken. She wanted to ask him if he needed her, but was too afraid of the answer. He obviously needed her as his assistant, but as more? She wasn't sure. Months ago she knew the answer would have been no, there was empirical evidence to support that, but now after their kiss last night she wasn't sure.

"Okay," was the only word that left her mouth. She wasn't willing to make promises about staying at the White House to Josh because she still wasn't sure she would be able to keep them.

"Okay," he parroted back, also apparently unwilling to force a commitment from her either.

They continued to twirl around the ballroom, and Donna was thankful for the companionable silence that fell between them. She lost herself in the dance, in the sound of the music, in the sway of their bodies. She closed her eyes briefly, keenly aware of the feel of his hand placed gently around her waist, and the brush of his thighs against her own as they swirled across the floor. She opened her blue eyes to find brown ones staring back at her.

"I was hoping we could talk about something else."

A knot of anticipation formed immediately in her stomach. This time, she forced herself not to look away. If they were going to talk about the kiss, she wouldn't shy away from him like she had earlier that day in his office.

"Did you set-up that meeting with Senator Hobbes?"

Donna swallowed her disappointment.

Unaware of her thoughts Josh continued, "It's really important that I talk to him tonight."

"Yes, the meeting is set, after the dessert course he will meet you in the mural room."

He nodded, satisfied with her answer. Suddenly a flash of nervousness crossed his face; he opened his mouth to speak –

"Josh! Where the hell have you been?"

Leo came storming towards the dancing pair.

"I was -"

"You know what? I don't care. Did you arrange the Hobbes meeting?"

"Yes."

"Then what the hell are you doing dancing with Donna? Let's go."

Josh gave Donna what she thought was an apologetic smile and then took off into the crowd with Leo, leaving her standing alone on the dance floor while couples twirled around her.

If this wasn't symbolic of the relationship she had with Josh, she didn't know what was. Her alone, while he ran off to play politics with Leo to try and save the world. It was all too much. Last night she had been so determined to cut all personal ties with Josh; yet, one drunken kiss later and she was more confused than ever. She had to stop the power he had over her. She needed to think about the job offer, not in terms of how it would affect Josh or the administration but how it would affect her. She also needed to have a personal life that didn't include Josh Lyman.

And she needed to start tonight.

00000

The bar was busier than she thought it would be. It looked like most of the guests from the state dinner had made their way over to Wilson's for a night cap.

As she took a seat at the bar, she could almost hear her mother's disparaging words railing against the kind of woman who went to a bar to drink alone. A loose kind of woman that's who, her mother always said. Donna closed her eyes in an effort to block out her mother's voice echoing around her head. The bartender came over to take her drink order. She automatically went to order a whiskey sour but then changed her mind. New Donna equaled new drink.

"What can I get you?"

"I'll have a scotch."

Unknowingly Donna was being watched by another patron in bar. He saw the bartender return with the drink and Donna pay for it. When the bartender left, he leaned forward to watch as Donna lifted the glass and took a long whiff of alcohol. He couldn't see her face from his angle, but he saw her physically recoil with a single harsh cough, shaking her head as if to clear it.

"That's what you get for ordering whiskey without the sour."

Donna nearly dropped the glass. She turned towards him and he rose to join her at the bar.

He gave her credit for quickly recovering from her surprise. "Do you have a homing device attached to me somewhere that I don't know about? Like the way they microchip lost dogs?" She didn't wait for a response before she continued, "It doesn't matter, I'm done for the night, work is finished and I am here on my personal time now, Josh."

"I'm not here to drag you back to work," he stated simply.

"Good, do you think I could convince you to find your own table and pretend you never saw me?"

"I'm afraid I can't do that, what kind of a gentlemen would I be if I left a lady alone?"

"Do you really want to get into a conversation about the kind of man you are?" She asked unkindly with a small laugh. The question had come out sharper than what she had intended, but she refused to apologize and put herself on the defensive.

He leaned forward, lowering his voice, "I get the impression that you're pissed with me about something."

"I'm not," she bit off quickly.

He knew she was lying but he decided to let it go, the last thing he needed was to get into a fight in a public place with Donna.

"What are you doing here?" his words were quiet, and were delivered with warm sincerity in his brown eyes.

"I came for a drink."

"You could have come back to the office for a drink; if you wanted scotch we could have raided Toby's office. Didn't your mother ever tell you it's not safe for a woman to go out drinking alone? Someone might slip something in your drink or take advantage of you - "

"Take advantage of me, you mean, like for example unexpectedly kissing me in the middle of the night in front of their house?"

The harsh tone in her voice surprised him, she knew she was angry, he just didn't suspect it was about their kiss, "You're right, please accept my ap - "

"Don't you dare apologize," Donna voice shook as she interrupted him. "I'm not a child, Josh. I can make decisions about who I kiss for myself."

She stopped short, she had been upset at him all day for ignoring their kiss, but now, she couldn't stand to hear him talk about regretting it. In those moments last night, when his body had been pressed against hers, and his lips had been on her mouth, she had let herself feel loved and desired. She wasn't going to let him ruin it with an apology.

In the silence that fell between them, Donna finished the last of her drink. She could feel a trail of fire down her throat, "Now, that I have finished my drink I'm going home. I'll see you tomorrow at work."

She stood and grabbed her purse off the bar, he stood with her. "I don't need a chaperone. I'm a big girl; I have been taking care of myself for a long time."

"Donna, I'm making sure you get home okay, so let's not fight it."

She refused to argue with him, refused to let him further ruin an evening that was supposed to be the beginning of her taking control of her life. She exited the room into the cool winter evening, knowing that Josh didn't take his car to work that day she looked up the street searching for a cab.

They had no problem getting a cab; he opened the door for her and slid in beside her. They travelled in silence until Donna yelled, "Wait, oh shit, I forget my shawl. We have to go back."

When Josh remained silent she asked, "Didn't you hear me?"

"I heard you."

"My shawl."

"I heard you," he repeated.

"But we have to go back, I can't return the dress without the shawl, I won't get my money back." She protested loudly.

"It doesn't matter."

"It does matter; I can't afford this dress, Josh. I have to take it back."

"I'll buy the damn dress."

"Josh, you can't do that..."

"Donna, I don't want to hear another word about your stolen dress or your lost shawl for the rest of the evening, can you do that please?" He asked frustration and irritation apparent in his voice.

"Okay," she said quietly. She was unsure when their roles had switched and Josh had gone from playful to angry with her.

After several minutes of silence, Donna tried again, offering what she hoped would be a conversational olive branch. "How was the meeting with Senator Hobbes?"

Josh turned his head words the cab driver and mouthed, 'not here', so whatever the meeting had entailed it wasn't for public consumption yet.

Donna looked out the window and realized that they had arrived at her apartment; she opened the door and leaned over to thank Josh for the ride when he surprised her by also exiting the car. He gave the driver some cash and then the cab pulled away, leaving them alone of the street.

"You just sent away your ride," she joked lightly, while a ball of nervousness was busy coiling itself in her stomach.

"There are other cabs in DC," he pointed out logically, "I want to talk about the Hobbes meeting."

"So you're inviting yourself up?" She said with a raised eyebrow.

"I guess so," he responded and walked by her, bouncing up the stairs to her building.

This night just keeps getting stranger, and stranger, she thought to herself.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimers in Part 1 -

Author's Notes: Sorry for the dealy between chapters, but I was enjoying my holidays some place nice and warm. I do want to say a big thank you to all the people who are reading the story and offering reviews, it means alot.

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She opened the door to her apartment and Josh brushed by her and promptly collapsed on the sofa. She wanted to say something like, 'Make yourself at home' or 'Come right in,' but found she didn't even have the energy for sarcasm any more. She just wanted to go to bed. She felt exhausted, both physically and emotionally spent from the day's events.

She looked over at Josh stretched across her couch; she fought an internal battle against her Midwestern hospitality, but decided in the end not to offer him a drink because then he might get the impression that she wanted him to stay. He could say what he wanted to say and then leave.

She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off before she had a chance to get any words out.

"What were you doing talking to Calley?" He asked abruptly.

"Being polite." She shrugged.

"What did he want?"

"To dance."

"Did you say yes?"

"Did you see me dancing with him?" She couldn't stop the sarcastic reply from leaving her mouth.

"I saw Margaret interrupt you. If Margaret hadn't have needed your help, would you have danced with him?"

She paused, she wasn't sure of the answer. Would she have? She thought she probably would have said yes.

"Yes."

"Why? Why would you do that to yourself after the way he treated you?" he asked, his face a mixture of confusion and exasperation.

"I don't know, Josh. I guess my desire to be coupled-up was too busying drowning out myself worth to say no."

Silence dominated her tiny apartment, until finally he spoke.

"Don't be like that. Don't do that." He said, hunched over on the couch, elbows resting against his thighs.

"Do what?"

"Use my words against me."

"Well, those are your words, not mine. That's what you think about me, not what I think about myself." She huffed.

"I don't think that about you." He protested.

"You said it, so you must think it."

"I don't want to fight about this."

"I don't want to fight at all." She practically screamed in exasperation.

Another uncomfortable silence descended upon the pair.

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone, wanting to be in love and have someone be in love with you. You may think I'm some naive airhead for wanting that, but I don't care. I don't want my whole life to be about work," she spoke, like you, the unspoken words hung in the air. She was so upset that her voice had started to quiver at the end.

"I'm not Ebenezer Scrooge over here, I mean one day in the very distant future I'd like to find somebody and you know have a relationship and stuff."

"And stuff? Wow, pity the girl who finally takes you off the market."

"Well forgive me, please, go ahead, educate me on the ways of love as apparently you have so much experience in maintaining a successful relationship," he bit off, voice full of sarcasm.

She was immediately nervous; she could talk about love in a general sense, but talking about it specifically, as it related to her, and more importantly him, was terrifying.

"I'm not naive, I know love isn't perfect and it's not like it is in the movies, but it exists and it can last forever. I believe that. Just look at you and me. We are both products of marriages that were full of love. If that isn't enough proof, then I don't know what is. If you weren't so monomaniacal you would see that people are falling in love all around us. Did you see Sam and Ainsley tonight? They couldn't take their eyes off each other."

"That's not love. That's attraction."

"Okay," she conceded, "Part of it is attraction, but it's not as simple as that. I believe there are real feelings there as well."

Her words faded into the silence, he watched her intently for a long moment before getting off the sofa, walking over, and stopping only inches from her. "Do you think attraction is simple?"

"I didn't mean it like that -" She stopped, unable to remember what she was trying to say, he was standing too close and it was making it hard to think about anything but him.

He waited for her to make a decision, when she didn't move away from him, he lowered his head so that his lips were nearly on hers, she could feel their movement barely brushing against hers.

He waited, hovering above her, for her to respond. She was consumed with an unbearable need to touch him. She tried to speak, but no words came. She couldn't even form thoughts at this point.

The moment their lips touched Josh took over, his arms coming around her and dragging her with him to the couch where he pulled her into his lap. This kiss was vastly different from their first one – it was heavier, more intense, less careful. Donna moaned as his hand ran up the side of her neck cupping her jaw, titling her head to better align their mouths. His lips played across hers, his tongue running along them before he pulled away just barely and searched her half-lidded eyes. A ghost of a smiled crossed his lips.

And then he claimed her mouth again in a searing kiss, and she matched him stroke for stroke, caress for caress. All she could think about was that she needed to be closer to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he opened her coat and set his hands on a path to her breasts, cupping and lifting her. She tore her mouth from his in a gasp as he ran his thumbs over the tips of her breasts, hardened beneath the fabric of her borrowed dress, freeing him to place his lips to the muscles in her neck, his tongue tracing a line along the column to her shoulder. He ran his teeth over the sensitive skin there, sending a jolt of pleasure through her, then laved the spot with his tongue. She sighed at the sensation and felt the curve of his lips against her shoulder, just as he pushed her coat off completely, and slipped the shoulder straps of her dress down, causing her breasts to spill into his hands.

She opened her eyes at the sudden feeling of cool air rushing across her skin, she met his gaze for an instant before he pulled back to look at her bare breasts. Her skin shimmered in the moonlight drifting in from the windows, and when he placed one hand to her, she found herself unable to tear her eyes away from the image of his fingers against her pale skin. The sight was more erotic than she could have ever possibly imagined. She watched as he soothed her skin and rubbed a thumb across her bare nipple, circling it gently, causing it to harden.

She shifted in his lap at the sensation, and he let out a low hiss as her hip pressed against the firm length of him. She was consumed by a feeling of feminine power, so she repeated the motion, this time rocking deliberating against him. He breathed deeply and stilled her with an iron grip.

When he spoke, his voice was rough, "You need to stop."

"No." She whispered.

In retaliation, he placed his mouth to her breast again; it was her turn to gasp. His tongue circled one peak before his lips closed around it and he sucked gently, working the hardened tip with his mouth and teeth until she cried out, putting her hands to his head, clutching his hair.

He lifted his mouth from her, blowing a stream of cool air across her, teasing her with the lightness of the caress. "Josh." His name on her lips was harsh, pleading.

"Yes?"

"Don't stop," she whispered, "Please." She writhed on his lap, frustration in her voice, "please."

He kissed her again, unable to deny the satisfaction he felt at her eager response to his touch. He could become addicted to her eagerness and enthusiasm so easily. He set his lips to her other breast and Donna cried his name, the sound echoing in the darkened apartment, sending a jolt of pleasure straight to his core.

Suddenly, she felt a vibration against her upper thigh, momentarily confused by the dual sensation of Josh on her chest and against her thigh Donna didn't recognize the feeling of a pager going off.

"Josh, wait, oh god, I think, I think your pager is going off."

"What? Damn it," he swore and shifted Donna slightly to the left so he could dig into his pocket to view the number on his pager, "Damn," he swore again, "it's Leo, which means I must have to go back in..." he trailed off, distracted by the sight of a half naked, flushed Donna sitting next to him on the sofa.

"Do you need me to come in too?" She questioned, somehow managing to maintain her professionalism while completely topless.

"Huh? Um, no, no, it's fine, you stay here," he mumbled, totally mesmerized by a naked Donna. "I have to go."

"I know."

"I don't want to go."

"I know."

"I mean I really don't want to go."

"I know."

Reluctantly he stood up, stepping away from the couch, but making no further movement towards the door.

"Josh?"

"Yes?"

"You're not moving," she laughed softly.

"Yeah."

"Go! I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, yeah, I really have to go now,"

"I know, I've been telling you that for the last 5 minutes."

"Okay, I'm going now," finally he opened her apartment door, "I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked again, as though he was afraid this was the last time he would ever see her.

"Yes!" She yelled playfully, "I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Josh."

Once Josh had left, Donna walked into her bedroom and threw herself on the bed, staring up at the ceiling totally confused. What in the hell had just happened? There had been arguing, then kissing, then nakedness (on her part anyway) and then him leaving (not that he wanted to leave, but the end result was the same, he was gone and her body was left humming).

How had this happened again? Why did it happen again? Every time she made a decision to pull anyway from Josh, instead of inching toward a new more independent life she ended up more intertwined with him. She felt like she was in quicksand, the more she struggled to define herself away from him, the closer she became with him instead. Maybe she should give up? Just give in. It was obvious that Josh wanted her, most definitely as his assistant and based on what happened out in her living room, he also wanted her in his bed. But, he had made it clear that he wasn't interested in a relationship, didn't have those kinds of feelings for her. It was amazing to her that men could make such a distinction, he liked her enough to want to spend 16 hours a day with her at work, and also wouldn't mind having sex with her too, but do something like go to the movies together and date? Well, that's just crazy talk.

Could she do it? Could she have only a physical relationship with Josh and not become bitter that he didn't want more? Could she be happy with just part of him? Although to be fair, it would be more than just part of him. She already had him at work and if they starting doing what they were doing out on the sofa on a regular basis wouldn't she have all of him?

You wouldn't have his love, his heart, the nasty voice in her head chided her.

Yes, that was true, but it wasn't like he was giving those things to another women. He wasn't pining after someone else, so it wouldn't really be like she was his second choice...would it?

"Stop it!" She screamed aloud, the sound echoing off the walls in her empty apartment.

She wanted to be a different person, have a different life, one that she was in control of, that was the promise she had made to herself in Wisconsin. Well, sleeping with Josh, having a physical relationship with Josh was something that the old Donna never would have done; she wouldn't have been strong enough emotionally speaking. But she was a new Donna, and this new Donna was strong enough to separate her life into compartments. All she had to do was take the part of her that loved Josh, that part of her that wanted a life with Josh and seal it away.

She could do it.

Maybe.

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"Do you know why we can't get any work done?" He questioned, although she sensed he wasn't actually waiting on her answer she provided one anyway.

"It is because of Republicans?" She mused.

"What?" he seemed slightly distracted by her response, "no, it's because we are forced to attend all these pointless events, first the state dinner last night and now this stupid opera thing." He moaned, pulling at his bowtie roughly.

"Josh, stop it! I told you that if you undid that thing one more time, I wasn't retying it, so you can walk around looking like Tony Bennett all night for all I care."

Donna walked over and stood at the edge of the presidential box unable to contain her smile as she scanned the rest of the audience. While Josh might moan and complain the whole time they were here, Donna was ecstatic, she loved the opera almost as much as she loved YoYo Ma and thanks to her job, she had the best seat in the house.

The opera had not even begun yet and the box was already mobbed with visiting senators and congressmen hoping to speak with the president. Donna turned back to look at Josh and her pulse involuntarily raced. He was impeccably dressed in perfectly tailed tuxedo pants and jacket over a classic white shirt. His bowtie had been beautifully tied by her only an hour earlier, but with his constant fidgeting it was starting to appear wrinkled and slightly crumpled in a Josh-specific kind of sexiness.

As though sensing her attention, Josh turned his head to look at her. She inhaled sharply as their gazes collided, she felt trapped by his brown eyes, intent and unreadable. He tipped his head, almost imperceptibly. Not trusting herself to disguise her emotions, she turned back to stare blindly at the crowd building in the theatre, people were milling about waiting for the opera to start so they could take their seats.

She turned back towards Josh ready to speak to him having schooled her features into one that didn't have her desire for him plastered all over her face when the theatre's chimes range, signaling the beginning of the performance. Pushed into action due to the ringing bell, the visitors took their leave, and Josh offered Donna his arm, "Can I escort you to your seat?"

Donna slid her hand along his arm, accepting his escort, attempting to ignore the sizzle of awareness that shot through her as they touched. Once she was seated, as always Josh claimed the chair next to her and his nearness overwhelmed her. She was enveloped by his scent, a combination of something that she couldn't quite pinpoint but was thoroughly male. She resisted the temptation to lean toward him and breathe deeply, because that wouldn't be suspicious or weird at all she thought.

The opera had just begun and Donna could see Josh twitching in his chair, already bored with the plot of mistaken identities and love at first sight. If it wasn't politics or politics adjacent, there simply was no way to get Josh Lyman to sit still and pay attention for an extended period of time.

Finally, the first act ended and the curtain fell, signaling the performance's intermission. More visitors dropped by the box, Donna nodded politely to the people she knew, but was more interested in sneaking some time alone with Josh. When she finally made her way over to him, the bells chimed again, signalling the beginning of the second act. Just as they had retaken their seats out of the corner of her eye, she noticed an usher with a folded message walk over to Josh. He took the proffered note with a nod of thanks and turned the paper over in his hand. Donna couldn't stop herself from peeking at the page as he looked at it. It was a short note, only visible for a split second before he folded it closed again, but Donna couldn't have missed the message or its meaning.

_J._

_Come see me tonight_

_A._

Josh was still seeing Amy. Donna choked back a gasp, turning away sharply and pretending to be engaged by the performance, which had thankfully just begun again.

Her mind reeled. But she shouldn't have been surprised, Josh hadn't made any commitments to her, there had been no declarations on his part (or hers for that matter) so intellectually she knew she had no right to be angry. If he wanted to spend time with Amy Gardner, it was no business of hers. However, she wasn't thinking intellectually, she was thinking emotionally, so sadness and outrage warred within her for the first two scenes of the second act. Eventually her emotions settled, more out of necessity than anything else, she couldn't exactly slap Josh in the head while she was in the same box as the president. She was pretty sure that the Secret Service frowned on that kind of behaviour. Time seemed to pass in reverse, every second felt like hours, but finally the opera ended, Donna could honestly say she hadn't pay attention to any of the final act. With a sad realization, she thought she would probably never enjoy the opera again.

Donna wished she was anywhere else than sitting next to Josh, she wondered how difficult it would be to escape without him noticing, probably impossible she thought. But she was going to try anyway. She got up, eyeing the exit and nearly collided with Cliff Calley, who had just appeared inside the box.

"Cliff, this is a surprise"

"Yeah, I'm suspired I got this far too, I was expecting the Secret Service to taser me way before I got to this point." He said with a soft laugh. "Did you enjoy the performance?"

"I did, I was impressed with the lead soprano, she was amazing."

"She was," he agreed.

Donna cast a sidelong glance towards Josh, who was deep in conversation with Sam.

"Do you like art?"

"What?"

"Do you like art?"

"Art in general, or do you mean some specific kind of art?" She asked slowly, slightly thrown off balance by his sudden change in topic.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to the new Renaissance Art Exhibition, it opened last week, I hear it is pretty good?"

Donna shot another look at Josh, still in conversation with Sam. If he was still seeing Amy then there was no reason she couldn't go with Cliff to an art show, other than the fact that she didn't really want to go, but that was neither here nor there at this point.

"I would, it sounds like fun."

"What sounds like fun?" The remark signalled the arrival of Josh.

"Donna and I are going to the new Renaissance Art Exhibition," Cliff offered.

"Is that so?" Josh said, disbelief evident in his voice.

"Yes, I'm excited to see the show, I heard it's great. I'm lucky I have someone to go with me, most of the time I end up going to these kinds of things alone," she placed a hand on Cliff's arm for emphasis.

Abruptly Josh placed his hand on the small of Donna's back and started leading her away.

"We have to get going. Bye Calley."

Donna watched as Cliff gave her a small wave before exiting the box. Donna turned to reprimand Josh for being so rude when she noticed him slipping out of the box as well. Unwilling to let him slink off to see Amy without giving him a piece of her mind, Donna followed him.

Hurrying along the hallway of the theatre, Donna called out to him, "Josh, Stop."

He froze on the top of the stairs, casting a disbelieving look at her, "Why are you following me? You better get back to the box or you'll miss the motorcade."

"Oh, please, they are not going to leave without us, the motorcade doesn't just leave people behind," she snickered. With more courage than she thought she possessed she poked his shoulder with one solid finger, "I saw the note, I know you're off to meet your...Amy."

"My Amy?"

"Yes, Amy Gardner, I know you're planning some sort of rendezvous," with each word she poked him harder in the chest.

He grabbed her finger on the last word and flung it away from him. "Excuse me? I wasn't the one flirting and making dates with Republican lawyers."

Her mouth fell open. She almost blurted out that she had only made that date with Cliff because she was so bothered by his seeing Amy Gardner; but she thought it best not to voice that thought and at least try and keep some self respect.

"You don't get to order me around in my personal life, Josh. Your supervisory duties don't extend into my dating life; I don't need your permission to date. I can take care of myself."

"Yeah, cause the last time you dated Calley I only had to get you out of perjury charges, who knows what you might be indicted for this time, maybe some light treason." He replied snidely.

Her eyes fluttered as her face turned to stone, fists clenched at her side, she couldn't believe that he had brought that up, had thrown it in her face. His words sent an angry wash of colour across her cheeks. "Stay away from me," she said, voice shaking with emotion, before she spun away, fleeing in the direction of the presidential box.

Josh watched her go, his expression betraying none of his thoughts.

TBC..


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimers in Part 1:

No Beta, so all mistakes are mine.

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"Hey J, fancy meeting you here," the words, spoken with soft sensuality reeked of a feminine arrogance that irritated Josh, but he had known this woman for almost twenty years so he knew that she took particular satisfaction in her ability to provoke him, any man really, so he made sure his irritation wasn't apparent on his face.

He had debated ignoring her message, he had wanted to stay and watch the performance, or more accurately he had wanted to stay and watch Donna watch the performance. Unfortunately, ignoring Amy Gardner was not an easy feat, and he had decided that he had had enough of Mrs. Bartlett's meddling and Amy's unwelcomed attention so he chose to deal with the problem face-to-face.

"I just came here to tell you no more notes, the wording on the prostitution legislation is done, and while the administration does appreciate all of the support from the women's groups, on a more personal level there is nothing more for us to discuss."

A patronizing smile crossed Amy's face, "I know how you operate J, it's all about the competition so I'll play this cat and mouse game with you, but you aren't giving me much of a challenge considering once again you came to me."

"I only came here to say that while I'm flattered, I have no interest in a personal relationship with you," he explained not unkindly.

"J, don't be rash, there are many advantages to us working together closely, both professionally and personally," she dropped her voice until it came out as a husky whisper, "I want you."

He met her gaze, determined to be done with this conversation for good, "Well, I'm sorry to say that I don't want you." He didn't mean for his words to be hurtful, but he knew that when speaking with Amy, direct and to the point was the only way to get his message across.

Anger flashed in her eyes, and when she spoke her voice was riddled with disdain, "This is because of your little assistant isn't it? She must be very good at her job that you need her to help you watch the opera or maybe she's very good at _assisting_ you in other ways."

He refused to rise to the bait, instead drawling, "Jealous?"

"Of course not, there's no comparison between the two of us. She's basically a secretary and I am a respected lobbyist."

"Well, you're right about one thing tonight, there is no comparison between you and Donna."

Her eyes widened at the realization that she had just been insulted, but she said nothing. She held his gaze for a long moment – she could go to war with him, make his life and the life of the administration difficult, but she had a feeling that she would come out on the losing side of that battle, but she still couldn't resist getting in one last parting shot.

"You know that your little assistant knows nothing about the real world of politics, nothing about the real world that you and I live in."

"What do you mean?"

"You and I know the score; we could have been a power couple, helping to lead the focus of the Democratic Party. Your little assistant? She expects more, she expects love, girls like her always do."

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Donna paced up and down the small hallway in her apartment, even though she had returned from the opera over an hour ago, she still hadn't gotten undressed, she was too distracted by being both hurt and angry at Josh to worry about changing into her pajamas.

"Who does he think he is?" She asked. "So, I messed up with the diary, that doesn't mean I'm going to make the same mistake twice, plus it's not like he never makes mistakes, look what happened with the tobacco thing, so it's not like he's perfect, right?"

"Meow."

Although Mr. Fluffy Pants was a captive audience, her roommate's cat was not an active participate in the conversation.

Josh was with Amy right now; her mind tried not to think about what they were probably doing, but the more she tried to push the image from her brain the more it became the only thing she could think about.

Stupid brain.

Josh had left her to go spend the night with Amy and Donna had returned home alone to her cold, empty bed.

_He's not yours_, her brain screamed at her, _he doesn't belong to you, he made his choice_ _and he'd rather be with Amy._

Tears sprang to her eyes and Donna tried to wipe them away, but they were coming too fast, one on top of another, and she couldn't hide her sadness anymore, didn't want to. So she sat on the floor of her tiny dark apartment crying over losing something that she never had in the first place.

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Meanwhile across town, Josh took the first available spot at the bar, while he wasn't interested in engaging any of the other patrons in conversation, he didn't want to take a seat at a table because then it would take too long for him to get the alcohol he so desired. All he wanted to do was drink himself into a nice stupor, which many people would say should only take a drink or too, but Josh was adamant that his sensitive wasn't going to stop him from getting good and drunk tonight.

He shouldn't be in this bar right now, he should be in bed, a nice warm bed, cozying up with Donna in a nice post coital afterglow, not sitting on a wobbling stool in a crowded bar. While it may have been presumptuous of Josh to assume he would have ended the night in bed with Donna, that definitely had been where they had been heading last night before Leo called him back into work; and from the looks that were passing between the two of them earlier tonight, they had both planned to end the night together, but thanks to the Uber-Feminist and Cliff the Wonder Republican he was alone. In a bar.

Could the night get any worse?

"Hi, Josh. I don't know if you remember me, we meet a few nights ago."

Josh turned his head slightly to the left to observe the man who had come over to say hello.

"Yes, you're Casey Reed, I remember you," Josh turned back in his seat, staring straight ahead.

"Yeah, I just wanted to come by and say hi, we didn't really get off to the best start the other day and it's important to me that I have a strong relationship with the administration, you know for the website, we're going to be bi-partisan so...," he trailed off.

"Look, I just came here for a drink; I'm off the clock tonight."

"Yeah, sure, just no hard feeling about Donna right? I mean you know why I'm trying to steal her away, she's the best."

Maybe it was the lateness of the hour or the non-stop pointless functions he had been dragged to in the past two days, it probably had a lot to do with the thought of Cliff taking Donna out on a date, but Casey Reed was the last straw.

"You say you want a good relationship with the administration? That's important, right? Well, one way to have this 'great relationship' would be to stop trying to poach my people. Donna is off the table. And if I hear that you are still offering her a job, you'll see just how difficult it is to be bi-partisan when the one side that matters, the side in the White House won't take your calls. Not sure that's too good for business."

"I'm sorry, are you threatening me?"

"No, no threats, just stating facts," with that Josh drowned the rest of his drink and left the bar.

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Donna loved art and tried to go to as many exhibitions as possible, but with her schedule combined with the last time she went to an art show she returned minus one pair of panties she hadn't made it to any shows in the past year.

"I'm so excited; I wonder what we might see today? I haven't really had a chance to check what would be included in this exhibit."

"Well, let's go see what we can see," Cliff replied good-naturedly and gently placed her hand on his forearm to escort her further into the gallery.

They pushed their way through the crowd of people; the gallery was much busier than either of them had thought it would be.

"Hey, I'm going to double back to the front because we forget to pick up a guide, stay here and I'll be back as soon as I can."

She watched as Cliff took off, fighting against the crowd now, trying to make his way back to the entrance. She was suddenly overcome by a feeling that this afternoon had been a huge mistake.

"Donna, what a surprise! What are you doing here?" Josh asked, fake shock dripping from his voice.

The idea of running into Josh outside of work, and the implication that he was happy to see her would have made her unbelievably happy only a few months ago. Now though, she wanted nothing more than to turn around and walk away. Seeing his brown eyes only reminded her of their last meeting and the cruel things that he had said to her. She didn't know exactly what was going on between her and Josh, things had shifted on their axis, and she had this horrible feeling that she was only a pawn in one of his games.

"I don't know how this could be much of a surprise considering you knew that I was coming here today." Donna responded dryly.

"Yeah, but you didn't say what time you would be here, so I maintain this could still be considered a surprise," he replied, dimples showing.

When she didn't respond he continued, "I wanted to talk to you."

"Now is not the best time, I'm on a date."

"It's important."

"Is it about work?"

"No," he hedged slowly.

"Then it can defiantly wait," she turned to walk away.

"Donna wait," he grabbed her upper arm to prevent her from leaving, "would you let me explain."

"What Josh? What do you want to explain so badly?" she practically demanded, upset by his showing up and interrupting her date (even if she wasn't having a good time, he didn't know that and this was another example of him thinking that her free time still belonged to him).

Before Josh could speak they were interrupted by a very familiar British voice.

"Ah, the lovely Donna, oh, and Gerald's little helper, how splendid it is to see both of you here, enjoying the art generously donated by my homeland," Lord John Marlbury said.

"Lord John," Josh acknowledge reluctantly, displeasured by the intrusion.

"What do you think of the paintings? You must have seen them all before. It was so nice of your government to loan the gallery so many of these wonderful and priceless works of art." Donna replied politely.

"Ah, the beautiful Donna, I am so happy that you have this opportunity to escape the desk this tyrant keeps you chained to and view these timeless images. It must be so hard to be his assistant, especially considering you have such wonderful breasts."

A small squeak escaped from Donna, not sure exactly how to respond to Lord John's compliment. She could see that Josh had turned an unflattering shade of red and while she was still angry with Josh, she didn't feel like breaking up a fight between him and the British Ambassador this afternoon.

"Thank you, Ambassador, I have always thought my breasts were wonderful as well, most people tend to focus on my legs, which are spectacular too, so it is nice to hear my breasts finally get the accolades they so richly deserve. Well, we would love to stay and chat but we really must be going." Donna quickly turned away and forcibly pulled Josh with her down the hall into the next area of the gallery.

Once in the side gallery, she released her grip on his arm and moved through the crowd of people to admire a painting on the wall.

"You can go now, Cliff should be back soon. I'll talk to you at work tomorrow."

"Donna," he reached out a hand to brush some hair that had fallen onto her face behind her ear.

She flinched from his touch, "please don't touch me."

Emotion flashed in his eyes at her movement, "I would never do anything to hurt you, Donna."

"Ha," she laughed without humour, "it seems to me like the only thing you have been doing for the last few months is hurt me, so pardon me if I don't quite believe you." She lashed out, desperate to hurt him, desperate for him to feel the pain that she had felt since that the day in his office all those months ago.

He was silent for a long moment. "I don't want to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you."

"I don't want you to hurt me either, that's why I told you at the opera to stay away from me and I meant it. I'm done with whatever game that you're playing with me and all our little...interludes," she blushed softly as images of her straddling Josh flooded her mind, "these...interludes...are over. Now, if you'll excuse me, I should go try and find Cliff, he probably has no idea where I am."

"You can't be serious about dating Cliff."

She ignored him, instead moving to go by him, but he grabbed her hand and the touch stopped her. He didn't hold her so tightly that she couldn't escape if she wanted to, but the jolt of electricity that jumped from him into her forced her to meet his eyes.

In that moment the only thing that he wanted was for her to stay with him, for her to forgive him.

"Don't date Cliff."

"Why not?"

"Because he's a Republican only looking to use you to make connections."

"You think I don't know that?"

"Then why the hell are you here with him?"

"Because he asked."

He ran a hand though his hair, frustration oozing out of every pore, "Damn it, Donna, that shouldn't be enough."

"You're right, it shouldn't." She gave him a small, sad smile.

He felt a strong, unpleasant pressure in his chest, "Let me take you somewhere. Where would you like to go? Back to the opera? One of those foreign films with the subtitles and moody people? A picnic, I'll even interact with all the tourists, I won't say one snarky thing to them, even if they're Republicans. I'll take you wherever you want to go."

"Josh. Stop. This is not another one of your competitions. I'm not a prize to be won. Seven months ago, I stood in your office and you made it very clear you had no interest in being with – dating me, and now all of a sudden you care about me? All of a sudden, you care if I take another job. All of a sudden, you want to take me out on a date. I'm not a trophy. I don't want to take part in your little game; I won't let you fall into me sideways. Go back to Amy Gardner; she's more the type of women that you are looking for."

He ran another hand through his unruly hair, causing several sections to stand up on end; making his hair look even more dishevelled, if that was even possible.

"First, there is nothing going on with Amy Gardner, that I can promise you. Second, Donna please, please give me a chance to prove that I am truly sorry about the way I have been acting. This isn't a game to me, please let me prove to you that I am not an insensitive asshole."

"I don't think you're an asshole."

"Okay, I'll take that, so now we just have to work on the insensitive part."

"Josh."

"One date Donna, if you can give the Wonder Republican one date, you gotta give me the same chance."

She knew there was no way she could deny him one date, not with the sad brown eyes, and the apology, but she at least wanted him to squirm a little bit, so she pretended to think about it for a minute.

"Fine. One date. You plan everything; I'm not making dinner reservations for my own date."

"Of course. Yeah, I'll plan everything, it's going to be great, spectacular even, you won't believe it."

"I'll prepare myself for amazing, but now you really have to go. I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Sure, okay, yeah, well, I would say have fun on your date, but we both know I wouldn't mean it..."

"Josh!"

"Okay, okay, bye, see you tomorrow."

She watched him turn and make his way through the crowd, a soft smile on her face. She wasn't naive enough to think that everything was fine between them now, but a date was definitely a step in the right direction.

0000000000000000000

The next day she was bent over Josh's desk, rummaging through the mess of papers and memos trying to locate the Wilson file when she heard the door open.

"Hey, he out?"

Donna straightened her posture and turned towards the door. "Hey Sam, yeah, he's still on the Hill, although," she looked at the watch on her wrist, "he should be back any minute or else he is going to be late for his meeting with Leo."

Sam stared a Donna for a few seconds before speaking, "You seem different, may I say happy even."

"I'm always happy Sam, I'm Donna."

"Usually I would say that was true but these last few months you have been decidedly not happy. Now that I think about it the last time I saw you, you practically sprinted out of the opera."

"I didn't realize that you were paying such close attention to what I was doing, weren't you too busy flirting with Ainsley at the opera to notice anything else going on around you."

"Ah, misdirection might work with Josh, but not with me, yes, I did enjoy the time I spent with Miss. Hayes, but not to the point where I didn't notice my friend leaving because she was upset."

"You're very sweet, Sam. I know that I have put a lot on your shoulders, you know, with the Josh thing, but everything is fine, I promise."

Before Sam could respond, the door swung open, banging against the wall and Josh stalked into the room, already in full rant mode, "...what do they think is going to happen? That Canada is going to rise up against us, so we had better be prepared and have all the guns ready because there is no other way we could possibly take Canada without them? Canada? Do you know what one of them said to me? About how guns aren't the only dangerous thing available to the public?"

Sam and Donna both wisely decided to keep their mouths shut.

"This Republican dumbkiss said, 'Should we get rid of cars too?' Can you believe that? Well, do you know what my answer is? Yes? For anyone who thinks that cars are as dangerous as guns, they should not be allowed to have a gun or a car for that matter."

Josh collapsed into his chair. Sam and Donna were unsure if he was done or just catching his breath for round two.

"I mean, what is wrong with these people? Normally they are all about taking people's right away. Are you gay? Well, sorry you're not allowed to get married..."

"You know how they say that most homophobic people are actually secretly gay? I think that might be true, but the analogy doesn't really work because I'm pretty sure that most arachnophobic people are not secretly spiders."

Her goal had been to force Josh to laugh his way out of his bad mood, which worked as a soft smile spread across his face revealing his childlike dimples.

"Hey."

"Hey."

They spent a few moments simply smiling at each other in a goofy daze until Sam felt the need to remind them both that he was still in the room.

"Sorry to interrupt the whole staring deeply into each other's eyes situation that is currently going on here, but I did stop by for an actual reason."

Donna felt a deep crimson spread across her face while Josh tried to cover his embarrassment at having been caught staring at Donna with a deep cough.

"What can I do for you, Sam?"

"I just heard from Miller that Whitney is going to jump ship on 874, taking his 5 votes with him."

"Damn it," Josh swore, "how the hell are we supposed to get anything done around here if we can't even control our own party?"

"Well, it's not all bad news. The good news is that you have to tell Leo."

"How is that good news?"

"I'm not the one telling Leo, so I guess the good news is really only good for me."

"Yeah, I'm so happy for you," he drawled sarcastically. "Okay, give me a minute and I'll meet you at Leo's office."

"Sure," Sam replied and left the room.

"Argh," Josh yelled in frustration. "This day sucks. I am trapped in some kind of hellish world where everyone besides me is an idiot."

"Everyone?" Donna asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah," he responded automatically, "everyone."

It took him a second to realize exactly what he'd just implied, "Everyone, but you of course, everyone is an idiot but you, and probably the president, he's not an idiot either, but everyone else, yeah, they're are idiots."

Donna simply waved off his bumbling apology, "Josh, Josh, Josh. How you are in charge of 1100 people still mystifies me."

She walked over to him and gave him a gentle push to the lower back, ushering him out of his office. "You better get going. You already have to give Leo bad news; you don't want to make it worse by being late too."

"Yeah, okay," he started to walk down the hall, but then suddenly turned on his heels and came jogging back to Donna, who was now standing next to her desk.

"I know today seems like it is going to be a crazy day," he started.

"When is it not a crazy day?" She answered back, head bent over flipping through the new faxes that had already started to pile up on her desk during the short time that she was away.

"Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that, even though today might be crazy I just wanted to remind you that you promised me a date and I intend to cash in on that promise tonight."

"Tonight?" She asked as her head snapped up.

"Yeah, tonight. So be prepared for the full Josh Lyman dating experience. I'm pulling out all the stops."

"Oh, be still my beating heart. Not all the stops? Does that mean you might not be late? Will you remember to wear a non-wrinkled clean shirt?" She asked jokingly in an attempt to get her heartbeat back down to a normal rhythm.

"Make all your little jokes now, but trust me, I am going to woo the pants off you," he paused then continued in an embarrassed rush, "I meant that figuratively, not literally, the thing about your pants. You can keep your pants on, or take them off if you want, I certainly wouldn't object to that. Or you can come in no pants at all, not naked, but if you wanted to, you know, wear a dress or a skirt that's fine too...I think I'm just going to stop talking," he supplied lamely. "I'm going to go now." He turned to walk back down the hallway.

"Josh, wait," she called after him. "I'm, you know, looking forward to tonight too." She told him to help alleviate some of his embarrassment, "So bring the woo, I'll be ready."

He gave her a quick smile before taking off towards Leo's office for the second time. Tonight was going to be awesome, he thought to himself. There was no way he could possibly screw it up.

TBC...


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: I just want to apologize for not updating sooner, I could give you a list of reasons why, but they would just be a bunch of excuses. Thank you to all the people who are reading this story, who cared about reading the next chapter. Your reviews and feedback mean a lot to me. Thank you.

XxxxxxxxxxX

If Donna didn't know any better she would have sworn that Josh was out to sabotage her date, but that didn't make any sense since the date was with Josh. It was just that any time it looked like the meeting with Whitney was about to wrap up and they could both leave for the night the congressman would bring up a new point of contention and the meeting was extended for another hour, and that was before Mary Marsh entered the building.

In fairness, Josh didn't screw up, per se, although sitting in a McDonalds in the middle of the night was probably not the dream date Donna had been imagining. It wasn't his fault. Really, it wasn't. It was as though the stars and moon, along with a bunch of Republicans, or whatever, had aligned, and were out to get him.

He had spent hours, literally hours, talking to Whitney about jumping ship. Usually meeting with the old crone of a congressman only felt like hours, but this time it was not hyperbole, it actually took 5 hours of repeating and reframing the same argument before Josh got Whitney back on their side. But unfortunately not before Josh had to sit through an unfortunate encounter with Mary Marsh.

By the time a truce of sorts was reached between both parties it was nearing midnight. Every restaurant besides the local fast food chains was closed. Josh had wanted to postpone the date to another night, but Donna was adamant that it wasn't the location that mattered to her, but the company. And that was how they found themselves as the only customers at the local McDonalds eating cheap hamburgers instead of a 4 star meal.

"That may have not been the worst night of my life, cause you know getting shot is pretty hard to top, but it was a close second," Josh complained as he scrubbed his hand across his face.

"Oh, poor baby," Donna offered without sincerity.

"You don't know what it was like Donna. Spending time in an enclosed room with Mary Marsh? It's disconcerting. I get the feeling that every time she tells me 'I'll pray for you', it's really just Christian code for 'fuck off.'"

Donna chuckled quietly, "So did you guys reach an agreement?"

"Kinda, although the president is not going to be happy. We got the funding for the schools, but only if they promise to teach abstinence only, argh," Josh ran his hand through his hair, "How can anyone think in today's day and age that abstinence only is going to stop teenagers from having sex? It wouldn't have stopped me in high school, I mean – I'm sorry what was that noise you just made?"

"Who? Me? I didn't make a noise. I'm just eating my fries."

"No, no. You definitely made a noise. It was like a 'ha', but a 'ha' filled with scepticism, cynicism and disbelief."

"Wow, I must be really something to put all of that into one little syllable." Donna responded with a cheeky smile.

"I did fine in high school I'll have you know. I had girlfriends."

"Okay."

"I had sex."

"Okay."

"I had sex with my girlfriends."

"Okay.

"Stop that!"

"Stop what? I'm agreeing with you."

"Yeah, but it sounds like you're only humouring me," he paused slightly, "Wait, all the times you agree with me are you really just humouring me?"

Donna's only response was a snarky smile.

"You're a mean woman, Donna Moss." Josh continued, "Anyway, my point is abstinence only is not going to stop teenagers from having sex. Republicans can't just stick their heads in the sand like a bunch of ostriches and pretend teenagers aren't having sex."

"Well you know what they say, 'ignorance is bliss'."

"Yeah, well, ignorance may be bliss, but for the rest of us who have to deal with the ignorant it's a pain in the ass."

"You know what my dad always used to say? That in sex ed class they should make the kids figure out how to install a car seat. That would serve as deterrent enough."

"Your dad sounds like a smart man."

"Well, obviously. He is my father." Donna replied good-naturedly, before continuing. "Well, I for one think we have spent way too much time talking about Mary Marsh, this is supposed to be our first date after all."

"You're right, and what a date it is." Josh replied sarcastically.

"Hey, let's get out here, then. It's pretty nice outside. Let's take a walk."

Josh and Donna bused their trays and exited the fast food restaurant. It was nice outside and the two of them strolled through the streets talking about nothing and everything. Before they realized it, they found themselves in front of Josh's apartment.

"You wanna come up? Have some coffee?"

"Why, Mr Lyman? Are you trying to get me upstairs?"

"Yes, see my first step in the Josh Lyman seduction plan was to woo you with the finest of Washington cuisine and the next step involves inviting you up to my messy apartment where I can wow you with my limited beverage selection and witty repartee."

"Well, how can a girl say no to an offer like that?" Donna said, and made her way up the stairs to Josh's apartment.

Josh opened the door to his apartment. He threw his coat and tie onto the sofa and walked into the kitchen.

"I just have to make sure the milk hasn't gone bad," he yelled before taking the coffee tin out of the freezer. "Make yourself at home."

Donna kicked off her shoes and plopped down on the sofa. She looked around the apartment, while there was a pile of newspapers on the coffee table, a dirty mug, and a few jackets lying about, the apartment was pretty clean. "I think you must have tidied a little since the last time I was here. It's not as messy as usual, Josh."

"Ha, not messy? Wait until you see the bedroom."

"Wow, that was smooth," Donna laughed.

Josh came jogging out of the kitchen, "I didn't mean it like that. I just meant my bedroom is really messy. Not that you were going to see my bed or the room that it's in. I was in no way implying that you would be spending time in my bedroom tonight."

"Josh."

"Yes?" He gulped.

"Why don't you show me your bedroom?" Donna whispered, hoping she sounded more confident than what she was currently feeling.

The words echoed through the room. Without hesitation, Josh offered his hand to Donna and drew her off the sofa. He led her into his bedroom. He walked over and sat on the bed. She moved to stand directly in front of him and met his eyes. She didn't say anything; she didn't need to. Within seconds, he had pulled her down onto his lap and covered her lips with his.

The kiss was darker, more deliberate, more intense than any they had previously shared. Donna could feel the blood coursing through her veins. His tongue stroked her bottom lip as his hands roamed over her, freeing the buttons of her blouse, deftly shucking the shirt off her shoulders and down her arms before pulling the hem of her shirt from the waist band of her pants.

His warm hands settled on the soft bare skin just above her pants, and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss even more. He searched and stroked, sending ripples through her. She was wonderfully overwhelmed by the combination of sensations from his mouth and fingers.

He claimed her mouth once more, while simultaneously sliding her blouse up and releasing her mouth only long enough to pull her shirt off of her completely. Resuming the kiss, he tossed the shirt aside, the pink cloth fluttering through the air, landing in a pile of his own dirty laundry. Next, his hands reached up to slowly draw the straps of her bra down her arms; he deftly unclasped her bra and threw the pink garment on to the same pile that her blouse had landed on.

Immediately, he placed his mouth to her flesh, he loved the feel of her skin. He left red love marks on her skin, running his tongue and teeth across every inch he came into contact with. Her hands moved of their own volition, her fingers running through his soft dark hair to hold him close to her as her own head tipped back, her body heavy with desire.

His hands reached around to keep her steady as his mouth suckled on her gently, sending waves of excitement through her. He moved his attention to her other breast, and then lifted her as though she weighed nothing and rearranged her so that she straddled his lap.

Suddenly, his hands were everywhere, kneading her bottom, caressing her legs and breasts, lifting her mass of blonde hair to bare her neck to his hot, wet kiss. He followed the column of her neck up to lick the soft lobe of one ear, then back to rain kisses along her collarbone and down to her straining chest once more. His worshiped her chest, suckling and licking as her hands travelled beneath the collar of his shirt, over his broad shoulders down the muscles of his arms and chest. Her fingers tugged at the buttons of his shirt, determined to get him naked as quickly as possible.

She raised her head to look him in the eyes, "I really want you to be wearing fewer clothes right now."

"Believe me, the feeling is mutual." Josh responded, voice heavy with desire.

He shrugged out of his shirt, lifting her off of him momentarily to do so. Once out of his shirt, Josh let himself fall back onto the bed, clasping her hips tightly as he did so. Pushing against her gently, he watched as she sighed in pleasure at the slight pressure. In response, she smiled boldly and ground himself against him in a firm, circular motion. His hands moved instantly to her hips to hold her tight to him.

She moved her thumb to trace slow circles on the scar on his chest, then she leaned in and set her mouth to his wound. She could feel the thrum of his heart and she traced her lips across his warm skin. Not wanting to dwell on the memories of that horrific night, she moved her mouth until she found his nipple and laved the straining flesh.

He hissed in a breath, plunging his fingers through her hair as she repeated his earlier caresses with warm strokes of her tongue. He allowed her to explore with her mouth until he couldn't take it anymore, finally pulling her up for another kiss.

Eventually she broke away from the kiss, slowly standing on shaky legs in front of him. Boldly she took his hands and placed them on the fastening of her pants. Almost immediately he removed her pants and underwear until Donna was standing naked before him.

Josh took a moment to appreciate the vision that was Donnatella Moss, his hands stroking down her body, molding to her skin, flushed with passion. His hands moved up her thighs, until he slid one warm finger inside her, prompting a gasp of pleasure to escape from Donna's lips. His thumb rubbed gently through her aching flesh. She arched into his caress. He continued to trace circles with his finger, drawing frustrated cries from Donna. Soon a second finger joined the first.

Donna focused on his hand, on the deep slide of his fingers as they worked her into a frenzy. She rocked against him, begging for more, gasping his name. Suddenly, he spun her around, changing positions so that she was reclining on the bed. And then he was between her legs, spreading them wide and holding her down as he put his mouth to the place where his fingers had just been. His tongue licked and laved with an intensity that she couldn't stand. She let her hands fall to his head, her fingers clenching wildly in his hair as he worked her with his fingers and tongue until she thought she might explode. She could feel a wave of pleasure building, higher and higher as his caresses became faster and harder. She lifted her hips off the bed as she felt the crash of pleasure coarse through her, leaving her feeling exhausted and elated at the same time.

He touches slowed and he soothed her flesh before lifting his head, looking up at her. She extended one hand, beckoning him closer, so that he stretched out beside her. Her hands ran along his side, stroking down where she could see the straining fabric of his pants. This time, she was in control. She slowly lowered the zipper to his pants; sliding her hand inside until she grasped him firmly in her hand. This one touch from Donna ignited a fire storm within Josh. Suddenly his pants and boxers were off and he was above her, settling between her legs, allowing her softness to cradle him. He kissed along the column of her neck, his hands stroking her breasts until they were begging for his mouth. He placed his lips to her chest, reveling in the soft mews of pleasure coming from Donna. Her hands roamed across his shoulders, touching his warm skin,

He pressed his hips against her once more, feeling the warmth and wetness that waited for him. He moved slowly against her creating a sweet friction, which drew a low moan from Donna. He thrust again, gently rubbing against her.

Donna drew in a ragged breath, "More Josh. I want more."

He placed a line of soft kissed along her collarbone as he settled between her open thighs. Her breath caught as he pushed inside her. He rocked against her, gritting his teeth against the sublime pleasure he felt as he moved inch by inch, going deeper on each smooth thrust, then he pulled out only to thrust back in while Donna writhed in pleasure. Josh began to move rhythmically in deep, smooth strokes while Donna moved beneath him, canting her hips to increase the pressure of his thrusts. Josh shifted to accommodate Donna's body's request, increasing his speed and force. Donna began to cry out, little mewling cries of pleasure that had him struggling for control over his body.

Finally Josh placed his thumb at the centre of her once more, pressing and stroking while he thrust deep and fast. Donna cried out his name, running her fingernails across his shoulders as she convulsed around him, her muscles tightening. Soon Josh followed her over the edge as well. He collapsed onto her, his chest heaving in unison with Donna's.

He lay there for a few minutes, until his breathing evened out and lifted himself off of Donna to lie at her side. Minutes went by slowly as the pair fell asleep.

XxxxxxxxxxxX

Donna lingered in the doorway that separated the ballroom, lined with tables waiting for dinner to be served, lost in her thoughts. She was trying not to be paranoid. It wasn't like she was constantly looking over her shoulder or anything. Really her cynicism was simply a product of her less than stellar track record with men. And it wasn't like Josh had done anything wrong; in fact, things between them had been close to perfect since the night they had spent together 3 weeks earlier. Maybe that was what was bothering her. Nothing was perfect; perfection simply didn't exist, and she was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. She was waiting for something or someone to come along and ruin their tentative relationship.

"Hi. I'm Amy Gardner. You must be Donna."

_Well, I deserved that_, Donna thought. It was like looking in the mirror and saying Candyman's name 5 times. You couldn't really complain if you got hacked to death by a one armed man with a hook for a hand if you called for him in the first place.

"Yes. Hi. Nice to meet you," Donna responded automatically. _But was it nice to meet Amy? Oh, stop being so suspicious of everyone. What do you think she is going to do to you?_

"Have you seen J? I need to talk to him about this Sex Education bill. Funds for only schools that teach abstinence only is unacceptable."

"J?" A confused Donna asked.

"Yes, J. Josh. You are Donna right? You are his secretary; you should know who he is." Amy explained in an impatient huff.

"I know that his name is Josh, not J." Donna said through clenched teeth.

"Whatever. Do you know where he is or not?"

"He was with Leo in the Roosevelt Room a few minutes ago." Donna offered.

Without even a 'thank you' Amy left in search of Josh.

_What an unpleasant woman,_ Donna thought to herself. _What did Josh see in her?_

"What are you doing standing here all by yourself?" A wonderfully familiar voice spoke quietly into her ear. A shiver ran up Donna's spine as she turned toward Josh.

"Well, I was having a sparkling conversation with your ex-girlfriend, but thankfully that's over now."

Josh's face scrunched up in confusion, "Mandy's here?" He asked, the apprehension apparent in his voice.

"God, I hope not. No, I meant Amy Gardner. A real charmer that one."

"Oh, thank God. I really don't have the energy to – wait, Amy Gardner was never my girlfriend, therefore she can't be my ex-girlfriend."

"Well, whatever she was to you, she's looking for you. She wants to talk about the Sex Education bill."

"Why do I get the impression it's not to tell me what a wonderful job I did on getting that bill passed."

"See, that's why you're the third most powerful man in the country, your ability to read people's minds."

"Hmm, if I read your mind right now, what do you think I would see? Us? Somewhere else? Somewhere where we could both have a lot less clothes on? Maybe in a bed?" He leaned over her shoulder, whispering the seductive words into her ear.

"Josh. This is not the time, nor the place." Donna attempted to steer the conversation to a safer topic.

"Maybe it's not the time, but you can't tell me you've never thought about us being together in the White House. I've thought about it a million times. You and me, a dark closet, hell, my desk features prominently in many day dreams I've had about you."

Josh surprised her with a quick tug on her arm, moving through the open doorway from the stifling ballroom out in to a small, secluded hallway. She turned to look at him, silhouetted in the moonlight streaming in through the windows.

"So, do you also have hallway fantasies?" She asked lightly.

"I have had every kind of fantasy when it comes to you, Donna."

Donna was at a loss for words, all she could manage was a small, "Oh." She was still trying to accept the fact that after all these years she was finally with Josh. Harvard educated Josh Lyman actually wanted Wisconsin born college dropout Donna Moss.

He lifted her chin, cupping her cheeks and turning her head just enough to ensure the perfect angle for a kiss. He nipped at her lips, teasing her with playful kisses along her soft, full bottom lip before taking her mouth in a deep, passionate kiss that weakened her knees. His tongue stroked at her bottom lip, pushing inside her mouth. She sighed into his mouth, eager for more, desperate for them to be anywhere but here, while she may also have had many White House fantasies, she was no exhibitionist, and the thought of anyone catching them in a compromising position was more than a little embarrassing.

"Oh, God. I'm sorry. Must have gone down the wrong hallway. Was looking for the bathroom. This place is so con – Donna?

"Casey. Hi. What are you doing here?" Donna asked while attempting to smooth out the skirt of her dress.

"I'm covering the State Dinner for the website. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, I just got lost on my way to the bathroom. Hi, Josh."

"Hi, Casey. Bathroom's that way," Josh replied roughly, eager to resume his previous activities with Donna.

"You know Josh?" Donna turned to Casey in surprise.

"Yeah, we've met a couple of times now. In fact, looking back on it, all those conversations make a lot more sense now," Casey replied with a small laugh.

"What does that mean?" Donna asked.

Suddenly Josh was overcome with an overwhelming need to get Donna away from Casey.

"Come on Donna, we're going to miss dinner," Josh tugged on Donna's arm to lead her back to the ballroom.

"Well, when I offered you the job I didn't realize that you and Josh were, you know..." Casey coughed to cover his discomfort, "Anyway, I get why Josh was so upset, I mean I was trying to poach his girlfriend, I think that threatening to destroy my company was a little overkill, but to each their own." Casey finished with a small chuckle.

Donna whipped around to face Josh. "Did you do that? Did you threaten his company?"

There was a beat as Josh searched for the right answer. "Donna," Josh pleaded.

"I'll take that as a yes." Donna turned back to Casey, struck by a horrible thought. "When? When did he threaten you?"

"When? Oh, probably a few months back, I'm not exactly sure. Look, I wasn't trying to cause any trouble." Casey finished lamely.

"It's okay; none of this is your fault. Oh, and the bathrooms are down the next hall on the left hand side."

As Casey left, Josh took a step towards Donna, but she backed away.

"You threatened him? Threatened him not to offer me that job. Even though it would mean more money and more responsibility for me? What wouldn't you do to keep me chained at my desk as your assistant?"

"It wasn't like that."

"Oh my god! What wouldn't you do?" Donna whispered, instantly sick to her stomach. Josh didn't want to be with her, he never wanted to be with her. He just didn't want to lose his faithful assistant. His faithful lapdog.

"Donna?" Josh asked softly. He could see the colour leave her face. Her beautiful alabaster skin was practically translucent. She suddenly looked unsteady on her feet. "I know what you're thinking but you're wrong."

"It all makes sense now," she whispered, the sound so sad, so raw that Josh thought his heart would break. "You're so competitive, you can't stand to let anyone else win, take away something that you think is yours. The last 3 years you've never shown any interest, but all of a sudden I'm offered a great job, a nice guy wants to date me and then you..." she stopped abruptly. "I should have known that you didn't really... you couldn't really...why would you, you're Josh Lyman and I'm just me..." She trailed off. She took a deep breath before looking at him, her wide blue eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I wouldn't have taken the job. I would have stayed with you. I would have done anything you asked me to."

The realization of her past unwavering devotion to him hit her like a slap in the face; tears began to track down her cheeks and she wiped them away in irritation. She could barely hear the sound of the people gathered in the ballroom as the blood pounded in her ears as a familiar wave of insecurity crashed over her. She had been so very very stupid. How many times had she told herself that Josh wasn't for her? God, he had told her himself that day in his office. Yet, he had taken her to bed, played with her future, played with her emotions as though she were a toy.

He opened his mouth to speak, to explain everything, but she cut him off. "No, you don't get to talk, Josh. Oh, don't worry, I'm not quitting my job, you've seen to it that I'm stuck where I am for now. And I'll stay through the election; I won't abandon the president now. But things between us are over. The Josh and Donna story ends here, right now."

"I -" He started to speak again, but stopped, unsure of how things had gone so wrong so fast. He watched her standing in front of him, so full of anger and pain. He followed the tears as they pooled in her beautiful blue eyes. "I-" He tried to speak again, but for the first time in his life he didn't know what to say, he was completely speechless.

She was so tired, so emotionally spent that she couldn't even look at him anymore. "Do you remember that night after you hurt your hand?" She whispered, "Do you remember what you said?"

"Yes," he replied hoarsely.

"Do you remember that you promised me a favour? I said that I reserved the right to a favour in the future."

A feeling of cold dread settled in the pit of his stomach. "Donna, please." He practically begged.

"I'm cashing in that favour. I'm asking you to stay away from me."

The pain in her voice was heartbreaking. Josh itched to touch her, comfort her, take away all the pain that he had caused. "Donna, please don't do this."

She held up her hands, as if to protect herself. "Please, Josh. If you care about me at all, please, just go away and leave me alone."

And because he didn't know how to fix this, how to fix Donna, the least he could do was the one thing she asked of him. So he walked away.

Donna stood against the wall, the tears that she had wiped away earlier she allowed to roll down her face, soon she was overcome by an all encompassing sadness that came with the knowledge that anything she had experienced with Josh had been a lie.

TBC...


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Notes: So here it is, how many months later? But better late than never I guess. It's not the best ending, but I'll be honest with you, I lost my passion for this story a while ago, but I didn't want to leave it unfinished so here is the ending even if it is less than great at least the story has an ending. I do want to say thank you to everyone who read and followed this story And a special thank you to the kind people who reviewed the story: Gillian Deverone, sassie69, Veridissima, Arpad Hrunta, alix33, flootzavut, Kelly, StoneCold7085, traciaknows, Robern, AuggieDeeksNico.

XxxxxxxxxxX

Donna had no idea how long she stood alone watching the waiters walk by; finally she brushed aside her tears as she leaned against the wall in the hallway wondering how the evening had turned so bad so quickly. How could she come to work tomorrow and pretend everything was fine? She had to leave her job at the White House. She had to get away from Josh. She simply wasn't strong enough to work side-by-side with the man who had broken her heart. The last time she had had her heart broken she had fled Wisconsin, while she didn't think she had to leave the DC area, she didn't know where she would go. Maybe a change was the right idea.

But could she go through life without Josh? Never seeing him again? But, how could she go on knowing that every moment of their time together had meant so little to him, designed only to keep her in her job. When she really thought about it, he had never pretended. There had been no false confessions of love, no talk about feelings or emotions or anything about a future relationship. There had just been sex.

Suddenly, Donna bowed her head as another wave of tears exploded on a wave of sadness.

_How could she have been such an idiot?_

Donna had failed to see the truth, and instead of seeing her own heartbreak coming, she had fallen even more in love with Josh.

As Donna leaned against the wall, a caterer walked by with a tray of appetizers, she realized she needed to get out of the hallway before she made a fool of herself, as she was technically still working. Donna walked down the darkened hallway; she couldn't go to Operations so instead she took the first right and walked into the Communications bullpen. She opened the door to Sam's office, but stopped just inside, surprised to find Sam behind his desk working.

"Donna?" he said, and there was something in the way he spoke her name, the hint of genuine concern, that made tears well in her eyes once more. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry," she said, beginning to back out of the room.

"No." He waved a hand in her direction, beckoning her to come inside. "Stay. What's wrong?"

She closed the door softly before walking over to the desk and seating herself in the chair across from him. She slipped off her high heels and pulled her bare feet up underneath her. "You know," she began, "I love watching you work, knowing that the words you put on the page are going to come out of the president's mouth, and that those same words will reach every person in America is amazing. You are a gifted writer, Sam."

Sam nodded at her words. "I feel the same way. It can be overwhelming to know that the way I arrange a sentence, even if it lacks the correct punctuation, can change people's minds on an issue. It is a humbling thought."

She gave him a watery smile. "It's amazing really."

Donna eyes drifted off to stare at a point on the wall behind Sam.

"Donna?"

The tears came again, silent and quick, running down her cheeks. She shook her head, looking down at her lap, playing with the fabric of her dress. "I thought he could love me."

Sam sighed. "What happened?"

So she told him. Everything. Everything from the diary, to Cliff, the job offer from Casey, sleeping with Josh, to their fight in the hallway earlier that night.

"I don't know why I was no naive...I don't know why I thought he wanted me...I thought I could convince him to love me."

Sam sat for a long time, considering his words carefully. "Donna...love is hard to understand. The way people demonstrate their love for another person is always different. If you think back on everything that Josh has done for you, could it not be possible that maybe he loves you too?"

"He sabotaged a great job opportunity; he had some weird competition going on with Cliff about who was the better date. He doesn't want to be with me, he just doesn't want anyone else to have me. Everything was about his need to always win." Donna protested.

"I will admit that Josh made some stupid decisions, but you know how bad he is with women, how he can't simply admit how he feels."

Donna shook her head. "That doesn't mean that he loves me. I'm not sure he even cares about me at all."

"Now you're being ridiculous," Sam waited for Donna to look at him. "Don't you think it would be easier if you and Josh only had a strictly professional relationship, the level of scandal you two could cause would be distracting for this administration so close to the election. Don't you think he knows that, but he still chose to pursue you. Plus, you forget that he is my best friend. I know he cares for you. I know it. I also know that no matter how many stupid decisions he has made about his relationship with you, he loves you."

"You're wrong," Donna whispered. "I thought I could love him enough for both of us, but I can't."

Silence fell between them, and Sam watched as tears stained Donna's cheeks. Sam came around the other side of the desk and kneeled before Donna. He lifted her chin with one hand and wiped the tears off of her cheeks with the other.

"If there is one thing I know for sure is it that Josh Lyman loves Donnatella Moss. Please have faith in that."

XxxxxxxxxxX

Josh entered the well-lit office and closed the door behind him to find Leo leaning on the edge of his large oak desk, eyeglasses on the tip of his nose, reading from a memo.

"Josh," he acknowledged.

"Sorry for interrupting, but it can't wait."

"I was reading a memo about the social theory of economic funding in low cost housing areas as they relate to agriculture, so you are a welcome distraction."

"I'm not sure you'll feel that way after you hear what I came to say."

"What have you done now, Josh?" An exasperated Leo asked.

"I slept with Donna." Not exactly the smoothest opening, but it worked.

At first there was no indication that Leo had even heard what Josh had just said. Leo didn't move, or look away from Josh. Then, suddenly, he slowly removed his glasses and placed them on his desk. "I assume you mean you slept together, fully clothed, rather innocently together in a bed."

"No. I mean I had sex with Donna."

Leo simply shook his head. "Why couldn't you leave me blissfully ignorant of the overly complicated relationship you have with Donna. I'm an old man, Josh. I can't handle this right now. I'm trying to get the president re-elected here." He paused, then continued. "Why are you telling me this? Tell me what you want me to do?"

"It's really simple. I need you to transfer her to another department. Hopefully one with a higher pay grade."

Leo sat down in his large leather chair, "I am probably afraid to ask but why? I thought you two had to work together, I tried to split you guys up before and you always reacted negatively."

"Well, that was before she found out I sabotaged a great job opportunity for her and she thought I was sleeping with her just to keep her as my assistant. So I need you to transfer her to another department in the White House so I can prove to Donna that my wanting to be with her has nothing to do with work, but because I, you know, kinda love her."

"It's times like this that I wished I still drank."

"Leo."

"I can't force her you know. I can't make her take the transfer. I can't make her stay at the White House," Leo stated.

"I know, but I've got to try. I can't just let her walk away."

Leo sat silently weighing the pros and cons of controlling the story in the press if Donna and Josh's relationship was exposed versus dealing with an unhappy and unproductive Deputy Chief of Staff.

"It's done. I will put in the transfer papers tomorrow morning. And consider this your Christmas and birthday present for the next 20 years."

"Thank you Leo, you won't regret this." Josh promised.

"I'm regretting it already. Now get out of my office."

Josh turned to exit the room when Leo called him back, "Oh, and Josh, don't mess this up. You'll never find another woman like Donna."

"I know. Thanks Leo."

XxxxxxxxxxxX

Donna sat while Sam worked on his speech; it was comforting watching a genius at work. When a firm knock sounded on the door, she nearly jumped out of her chair.

"Sam, have you seen – Oh, there you are. Donna, I've been looking for you everywhere."

Donna turned to look at Josh. A huge mistake. He was perfectly rumpled; tie undone, hair puffed up in every different direction. He was simply gorgeous.

"Donna, I'd like to talk to you."

She didn't answer, she simply stared at Sam.

"I think I hear Toby calling me, I'll see you guys later." With that Sam exited his office.

With Sam gone, Josh walked towards her. "Donna, I can't apologize enough." His words were quiet in their sincerity.

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath; she steeled herself against the overwhelming emotions that threatened to overtake her. She shook her head firmly, refusing to look at him – not trusting herself to look at him. "Don't, Josh."

"Look, I was an overbearing asshole, nothing new there right?" He laughed at his own joke. "I was making decisions about your life without considering your feelings; the only thing I can say in my defense is that I never meant to hurt you."

At her silence, Josh continued to speak, "Donna, will you talk to me? I know that I have done nothing to deserve it but I need you in my life. Not as my assistant. In fact, I asked Leo to transfer you because I don't want you to think for even a minute that my wanting you in my life had anything to do with work. God, but now that I think about it, I just made another decision about your life without discussing it with you. Damn it! I'm screwing this up."

Josh ran a hand through his hair. It was time to bring out the bring guns. Josh dropped to his knees in front of Donna. He snared her chin in his warm hand and forced her eyes to meet his. "I love you, Donna."

Donna was stunned. Her eyes widened like saucers and she was speechless.

"I know you could do a lot better than me. Hell, you would be perfect with Sam-"

He was cut off when Donna punched him in the arm.

"You think I want Sam? Sam? _Sam_?"

"What?" came a voice from the hallway.

"Go away, Sam!" Donna and Josh yelled at the same time.

Josh held Donna's hand against his chest. "Talk to me, Donna. Please." He pleaded

Seeing him standing in front of her, the love so clearly visible in his eyes, Donna felt the walls surrounding her heart crumble.

"Oh my god. You're such an idiot. And you're stubborn. You're so arrogant. And I love you so much."

Throwing her arms around him, she covered his face with kisses until he pulled her tightly into his arms and kissed her properly.

"I love you, Donna. I'd like to promise that I'll be less of an arrogant, stubborn idiot in the future, but we both know that's not going to happen."

"That's okay. I wouldn't have it any other way."

THE END


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